ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: I love your advice and the fact you’re able to cut to the chase. I find myself in need of your level head, too!

I’ve been (mostly) happily married for 26 years. My husband is very gregarious and never met a stranger. In fact, he happily opens up his life to anyone and everyone. I feel like he constantly overshares, but as long as he keeps it to his own information, that’s fine.

However, he doesn’t keep my information private, especially my health information. A few years ago, I had a cancer scare and chose not to tell even my adult children until I knew for sure. He told his co-workers, his side of the family, our friends — all before I knew what my test results were.

Everyone thought I had cancer, so I eventually had to explain that no, I didn’t. I also had surgery a couple years ago and wanted to keep it private, but I started getting messages like, “I’m so sorry you have to have a hysterectomy. What happened?”

I have a very public job in a small community. Most people know me. It’s highly embarrassing when I have to step in the spotlight, knowing that all these people know my personal, private information.

I’ve talked to him over and over about this. He always apologizes and says he “forgot” that I prefer to keep things private. I even tried keeping my health information away from him — my own husband — so he couldn’t share it. But he also opens my mail and sees my bills and test results before I do. There is no “hiding” anything from him.

How do I handle this, Annie? I’m getting desperate. — Personal Information Is Private

Dear Personal Information: Your husband’s friendliness shouldn’t be confused with what’s happening here — breaching trust. Medical information is yours to share, not his to broadcast.

You’ve already explained your wishes. Now’s the time for firmer boundaries. Tell him plainly that sharing your private information is unacceptable and that “forgetting” is no longer an excuse. This is about respect.

If he still doesn’t get the message, protect your privacy in practical ways, like having mail sent electronically or asking your doctors not to share information with anyone but you.

A good marriage includes trust and discretion. He doesn’t need to stop being outgoing. He just needs to learn that your life is not his story to tell.

Dear Annie: I’m retired, married and have been a longtime crossdresser. My wife’s aware of my little hobby, and although she doesn’t want to participate in it with me, she’s OK with me dressing when she’s not around.

This worked great up until last year when she retired. Now I have very little time to express myself, and it’s very frustrating. When she worked, I would go to local malls, grocery stores, etc., dressed as a woman. I’m very passable and have never had any issues.

I’d love it if my wife could accept me more in my feminine role. I know other crossdressers with wives that are fully supportive. Any ideas that might help? — No Place to Be Me

Dear No Place: Your wife has accepted this part of you in a limited way, but retirement changed your rhythm. What worked before no longer fits, and it’s time for an honest, gentle conversation — not about pushing her to participate, but about making room for you to still be yourself.

Tell her what this means to you. It may be less about the clothes and more about how you feel when you’re in them. Then listen just as carefully to what feels comfortable — and uncomfortable — for her.

Compromise might mean setting aside agreed-upon time or space to dress, or finding ways you can still go out occasionally like you used to without straining the relationship. If you find yourselves stuck, a couples counselor can help you work through it together.

Dear Annie: I used to think I had decent self-control. Now I’m not so sure.

Somewhere along the way, Instagram became the background music of my life. I wake up and reach for my phone before my eyes are fully open. I tell myself I’m just checking the weather or answering a text, but my thumb already knows the route: Instagram, stories, scroll, scroll, scroll. I can lose 30 minutes without even standing up.

It’s not even fun anymore. Half the time I’m not laughing or learning. I’m just … consuming. Watching other people’s kitchens, vacations, workouts, “perfect” marriages and glow-ups. I’ll see a post about someone reorganizing their pantry and suddenly I’m spiraling because my own house looks like a crime scene. Then I feel guilty for judging my life against a highlight reel I know isn’t real.

The worst part is how it makes me absent. I’ll be talking to my kids or my spouse and catch myself drifting toward my phone like it’s a magnet. I’ll pause a movie “for a second” and then miss the entire plot. I’ll stand in the grocery store line and scroll instead of just … standing. Even when I put the phone down, my brain feels itchy, like it’s waiting for the next hit of distraction.

I’ve tried deleting the app, but I always re-download it. I’ve tried time limits, but I override them. I’ll promise myself, “No phone in bed,” and then there I am at midnight, lit up like a campfire, watching strangers live their lives while mine is quietly passing by.

Is this an addiction? And if it is, how do I stop without feeling like I’m crawling out of my own skin? — Scrolling My Life Away

Dear Scrolling: You’re not failing. You’re coping. Phones are designed to be irresistible, especially when you’re tired, overstimulated or carrying more than you admit. The fact that it doesn’t even feel good anymore is an important clue. This isn’t a character flaw. It’s a habit that has outgrown its purpose.

Start slow. Don’t try to “quit” your phone. Put Instagram in a folder on the last screen, turn off notifications and choose two short check-in windows a day. When the urge hits outside those times, pause and ask, “What am I actually needing right now?” Rest? Comfort? A break from responsibility? Then give yourself a real version of that, even if it’s just a glass of water, a walk to the mailbox or two minutes of quiet.

And if you keep slipping, that’s not proof you can’t change. It’s proof you need support. Talk to a friend, or a therapist, and name it out loud.

Be kind to yourself. Your life is here, waiting for you — one present moment at a time.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.