Annie Lane, syndicated columnist

Dear Annie: For years, I’ve made it a point to remember every birthday in my extended family — my nieces, nephews and now their children — by sending cards with a little money tucked inside. It’s been my way of staying connected since I don’t see them often.

Now I’m retired and living on a fixed income, and the cost has quietly added up. The truth is, everyone in my family is financially comfortable, and I’m beginning to feel the strain of keeping up this tradition.

I’d like to scale back and send monetary gifts only to those 19 and under, while still sending cards to the adults. Do I explain to them, or just send the cards with no money to the older adults with no explanation? — Wondering

Dear Wondering: You’ve been kind and consistent for years, but generosity doesn’t require outliving your means.

You don’t owe anyone an announcement. Just make the change, and if anyone notices, a simple “I’ve scaled back since retiring” is plenty explanation.

Gifts come from the heart, not a contract.

Dear Annie: I have a problem. My boyfriend’s mom and I used to get along great. Early on, he warned me not to get too close to her, saying she “ruins everything.”

Fast forward a year, and my boyfriend and I got into a fight. His mom told me to come over, so I did. I stayed with her for a few days, then went back home. Not even 24 hours later, she accused me of stealing from her and dragged my boyfriend, her son, in to the middle of it.

Now she plays it off like nothing ever happened. I’m over the drama and just want to be left alone. She incited all this drama and then walked away, leaving me to defend myself against something I didn’t do.

Any advice? — Falsely Accused

Dear Falsely Accused: Your boyfriend warned you, and now you’ve seen what he meant. His mother created a problem, stepped away and left you to deal with the fallout.

What matters now is how you two move forward. He should be clear with her that the accusation was unacceptable and that he stands by you. You’re not obligated to have a close relationship with someone who treats you this way, and you don’t need to defend yourself or chase an apology you’re unlikely to get. Step back. Be civil, but don’t let your guard down.

This isn’t just about his mother’s behavior. It’s about whether you and your boyfriend can set and maintain boundaries with her — for yourselves and for your relationship.

EDITOR’S NOTE: “Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.