ANNIE LANE

Dear Readers: On this Fourth of July, I hope you give yourself permission to slow down.

Let the day be simple.

Enjoy the sound of laughter from the next yard. Notice the flags moving in the breeze. Sit outside with a cold drink. Watch the children run through the grass. Stay up for the fireworks, even if you are tired.

There is something about this holiday that brings us back to the things that matter most.

Freedom. Family. Friendship. Hope.

We often think of freedom in big, historic terms, and we should. We owe so much to the men and women who served, sacrificed and helped build this country.

But freedom also lives in the small moments.

It is the freedom to call someone you love. To speak your mind. To choose a new path. To start over. To sit quietly and be exactly who you are.

Those moments may not seem grand, but they are precious.

So today, do not worry about making everything perfect.

The table does not have to look beautiful. The food does not have to be homemade. The family does not have to agree on everything. And the fireworks do not have to be seen from the best seat in town.

What matters is being present.

Look around at the people beside you. Listen to their stories. Laugh when you can. Forgive a little faster. Put the phone down for a while.

And if someone you know is alone today, reach out.

A phone call can change the shape of a lonely afternoon. An extra chair can mean more than you realize. Kindness is one of the most beautiful ways we can celebrate freedom.

Some of you may be carrying sadness this holiday.

You may be missing someone. You may be worried about your family, your health or the future. You may not feel much like celebrating.

That is all right.

You do not have to force joy. Sometimes peace is enough.

Take a walk. Listen to music. Make yourself something good to eat. Watch the sky. Let the day meet you where you are.

Our country is not perfect. Neither are we.

But there is still so much goodness around us. There are still people helping neighbors, caring for strangers, serving their communities and choosing hope when it would be easier to give up.

That is worth celebrating.

As the fireworks light up the night, I hope you remember that darkness never gets the final word.

There is always another spark. Another chance. Another morning.

May this Fourth of July leave you feeling grateful, peaceful and a little more hopeful than you did before.

And may you remember that the best part of this country has always been its people.

Happy Fourth of July.

Dear Annie: My husband and I raised our grandson from the time he was a baby. He is now 19, and until recently, we were very close.

When he first introduced us to his girlfriend, I thought she seemed nice enough. But now she is constantly by his side. Whenever I try to talk to him privately, offer advice or help him with something, she appears and takes over the conversation. It feels as though I can no longer have a moment alone with the young man we raised.

He is also facing a court matter, and I have texted him several times with the names and phone numbers of lawyers who might be able to help. He rarely responds. I worry that his girlfriend is discouraging him from speaking with us or convincing him that he no longer needs our support.

I realize that he is 19 and wants to be independent. I also understand that a serious girlfriend may become the center of his world at this age. Still, it hurts to feel pushed aside after my husband and I devoted so much of our lives to raising him.

Should I confront him about his girlfriend, or would that only drive him farther away? How can I remind him that we love him and are here to help without making him feel controlled? — Grandma on the Outside

Dear Grandma: Your grandson is 19 and in love. Young love is often all consuming. It can be painful to watch someone you love make choices that seem unwise, especially when you fear they may be headed toward heartache. But part of growing up is learning through experience.

His girlfriend sounds controlling and may even have narcissistic traits. But tread carefully. If you attack her, he will likely rush to defend her, and you may end up farther away from him than you are now.

Tell him you love him. Tell him you are worried about the court situation. Offer your help once, clearly and calmly. Then give him some breathing room.

Try inviting him to lunch or for a drive, just the two of you. Don’t lecture him on how you really feel about his relationship. Don’t throw any criticism toward him. He doesn’t need to experience a cross-examination worthy of the courtroom he is already facing.

You and your husband raised him. That bond does not disappear because he is wrapped up in a girlfriend. Keep the door open, keep your words gentle and let him know he can always come home to you. If he knows he can turn to you without fear of judgment, he will be far more likely to reach out when he needs support.

Sometimes the best way to hold on is to loosen your grip.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.