Annie Lane, syndicated columnist

Dear Annie: My fiance and I have been together for three years, and we have two children together. In addition, each one of us has a child from another partner.

His child is a girl who lives with her mother in another state. We went on vacation in November to visit her as a family — our two children plus my child from a different relationship. Everything went great, and now there is a vacation planned for next month with his family to go visit his daughter again. However, the mother of his child is saying I am not allowed to come because she doesn’t want me around her daughter. This is because we had a confrontational conversation.

His ex has always tried to come between us, and I feel that this is her way of accomplishing that because she knows I will be very upset over it. I feel that it’s not a fair situation. At the same time, if I were to go, I would not be happy about having to be away from two of my children (my child and one of ours). He wants to leave the 3-month-old with me while everyone else is in another state for a week. I have never been away from my children for more than two days, and we have never been in different states.

Am I wrong for feeling that it’s not fair that he will be on vacation while the baby and I are left behind? Am I wrong for feeling that I shouldn’t be away from my children, and she shouldn’t have control over this situation? — Left Out

Dear Left Out: I’m never going to tell you that you are wrong for feeling what you feel. Your husband has a relationship with his daughter that is separate from you, and you have to accept that. Instead of looking at this situation as if you are being left out, why not look at it as an opportunity to spend quality time with your two children alone?

Maybe this is a good time for you to bring them with you on a vacation with a friend, or with your parents. Or to just enjoy your children’s company. There is something to be said about quality alone time, and that is exactly what your husband is giving you by going on a trip with his daughter.

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