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Dear Annie

Personal notice wanted

Annie Lane, syndicated columnist

Dear Annie: My first cousin died two weeks ago, but not one of her siblings called to tell me or any of my sisters the news. Two of the cousin’s siblings have my phone number because I sent them a family Christmas newsletter with my phone number and email in the letter.

I finally saw my cousin’s obituary on Facebook. I am beyond hurt that the cousins did not personally telephone to tell of the sad news. The cousin who died was 72 years old, but in failing health for years.

Am I wrong to be hurt and disappointed my family did not get a phone call? — Deeply Hurt in PA

Dear Deeply Hurt: Feelings aren’t right or wrong; they just are. It’s what we do with them that matters. In this case, I think you ought to try setting aside your feelings for a moment to consider your cousins’. They’re hurting, too. They just lost their dear sister.

Their forgetting to tell you was not intentional. Grief has a way of wreaking havoc on short-term memory. Reach out to them in love, not in anger, and join them in remembering your cousin. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Dear Annie: This is regarding “Torn,” who couldn’t decide whether or not to move forward with her new boyfriend after having recently divorced. I’d like to call attention to some of her quotes: “He is not really my type”; “He is everything my ex is not”; “I’m still not fully over my ex.” On top of this, she notes that she needs alimony from her ex-husband, which is mainly why she’s been keeping this relationship a secret and reluctant to get too serious. Wow!

Your answer was basically that she should not rush herself and to not marry him if she wasn’t ready. Here’s my take on it: She called this new guy as soon as her divorce was finalized. She seems to be leading him on while telling him she isn’t ready to make a commitment. To me, it sounds like she still loves her ex.

She ought to let this new man go so that he can find someone who will love him back, the way he deserves. She should give herself some time to be without a partner or a lover. And she should focus instead on her kids who are, no doubt, in need of some extra love and attention during this sad time in their lives. — Daily Reader and Fan

Dear Reader: I think you’ve gotten to the heart of the matter more than my initial response did. It’s so important to take time for oneself between relationships. Moving on to someone else too soon does a disservice to both parties.

EDITOR’S NOTE: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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