Texting lost loved one
Dear Annie. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now. He had lost his fiancee three years before we began dating. The problem I am having is he still has his deceased fiancee’s phone number saved in his phone. He sometimes texts her, but, of course, it goes nowhere. I did ask him about it but he said he does not do it too much anymore. I found out by accident that he texted her the other night. Should I be worried? He is very sensitive and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but it is morbid to me. What should I do? — I’m Concerned
Dear Concerned: In a TED Talk in November 2018, writer and podcaster Nora McInerny spoke about how, when people we love die, we don’t “move on”; we simply move forward. It’s a poignant, insightful, at times humorous talk, and I recommend finding it and watching it online. I thought of Nora’s words while reading your letter. Your boyfriend has moved forward with his life, even as he still cares for the fiancee who lost hers. Though it might seem unusual for him to text her, it’s not unhealthy, as long as it’s not interfering with his life.
I get the impression that you two have a great relationship: You’ve been able to ask him about this topic without him becoming defensive; you’re writing out of concern for his well-being, not out of jealousy or insecurity. With that level of openness and empathy, you can trust that you’ll know if anything is truly wrong with him or between you two. In short, don’t sweat it.
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