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Dear Annie

Insecurity ruining friendship

Dear Annie: I have a friend who I have known for many years, and suddenly I have noticed that she is getting possessive with me. She just wants to see me alone, and she questions whether or not I’m seeing other friends when I can’t see her at a certain time. She makes comments about how popular I am and makes sarcastic comments about friends liking me better.

I know she is insecure, but this subject is difficult to approach with her.

She says that’s the way she is, and that’s that. She has friends but seems to depend on me a lot. I’m at my wit’s end. How should I handle this? — Torn and Frustrated

Dear Torn and Frustrated: A friend is someone who wishes you well — someone who wants to see you grow and is there for you during the good times and bad. The “friend” described in your letter is missing those qualities. In fact, she sounds like someone who does not want to see you shine or to be popular, so she can keep you all to herself.

She is obviously very insecure. But the real question is whether you should allow her insecurity and jealousy to weigh you down. Have a forthright conversation with her about how you feel. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you are allowed to have other friends besides her, though that doesn’t mean that you like her any less. In fact, you will probably like and respect her more as a friend if she gives you freedom.

It does sound like you care about her, so remember to come from a place of love and compassion when you approach her. If she becomes defensive, perhaps now is the time to give her space. Instead, tell her that when she is ready to not be so possessive and jealous, you will be ready to be her friend.

Editor’s note: Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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