Dear Annie: I am a member of a small Midwestern church and in the choir. There are about 10 of us, and we all have a good time together. The problem is the organist and choir director, who has held these positions for nearly 50 years. As she is getting older, she is neglecting to either shower or change her clothes, which I can often smell in our small practice room.

She also is losing her hearing and doesn’t hear us when we ask questions about the music during practice. Thus, she drowns us out when playing on Sunday or when made angry. I believe that our pastor is afraid to say anything to her, and I don’t believe that any other choir members will say anything, either. She can take offense easily. Any suggestions? Sadly, I don’t believe she reads a newspaper, so she won’t see herself here. — Afraid to Offend

Dear Afraid to Offend: Sometimes, having a direct and honest conversation is the best way not to offend someone in the long run. It may hurt her feelings for a minute, but having other choir members and the pastor talk about her behind her back is much more hurtful. If you decide to be the brave lion out of the group, make sure you come from a loving and caring place and not a judgmental one. Speak with her in private about your concerns. Begin the conversation by asking her whether anything different has been going on in her life before you dive right into the subject matter of the stench. My hunch is that there has been a change in her life. Sometimes depression, loneliness or other forms of mental illness can lead to not bathing and bad hygiene. If that is the case, it is important for her to get help and know she is supported and loved.

Editor’s note: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.