Dear Annie: I like doing kind things for people. It makes me feel good. I believe my kind acts should be appreciated but not be expected. Is that wrong? Most of the time, what starts off as a kind act ends up with expectations of more. Sometimes these expectations can be difficult to manage and are so far from what I intended. In the end, the recipient is angry when I pull back, or I feel used if I don’t. It’s too much stress. How do you not go from kindness to resentment? What am I doing wrong? — Trying to Be Kind

Dear Trying to Be Kind: Anyone who acts entitled to your generosity doesn’t deserve it, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for putting some space between such a person and yourself. Boundaries are the foundation of a healthy social life. Lay some down, and resolve not to pay any mind to another’s unfair expectations of you.

I also think you could benefit from examining your own role in this pattern. Why do you do these kind things, and why do you do them for people who don’t treat you well? If your self-worth is tied up in the idea that you’re a generous person, you should disentangle it. You are worthy and enough; you do not need to go out of your way to prove this through gestures. To be clear, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be generous. But true generosity can exist only for its own sake, not for the ego’s. Frank A. Clark said, “Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out.”

Editor’s note: Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.