Reader fears relative is a narcissist

Dear Annie: I fear that my stepgrandson, “Tommy,” is a narcissist. As a child, he was bullheaded, and he forced others to give in to his wants and demands. He is now 19 and refuses to get a job. He was fired for laziness but lied and said that he had resigned.

His mother is the sole wage earner because her husband is an invalid and cannot work. Thus, it is mandatory that this boy find a job and pay for his own keep. He is physically strong and has a high IQ. My stepdaughter is afraid to demand that her son get a job, because he becomes violent. Would you please tell his mother the proper way to confront her son so that he can become a constructive member of society? — Concerned in Florida

Dear Concerned: The first priority is your stepdaughter’s safety. If she is truly afraid of Tommy because he becomes violent, then she must seek help. She can call The National Domestic Violence Hotline, at 800-799-7233.

Pointing out all of Tommy’s weaknesses is not the solution to this problem. Perhaps you could speak with him about the importance of getting a job. Start off the conversation by focusing on the two positive things you mentioned about him — that he is physically strong and has a high IQ. Leave the judgments about his laziness and narcissism at the door.

Dear Annie: Your answer to “Sizzled in Sioux Falls” was good but missing one thing. I feel she should see a doctor and get a thorough checkup. There could be a whole host of medical reasons for why she’s running out of energy doing normal stuff. — A Faithful Reader

Dear Faithful Reader: A great deal of readers correctly pointed out that a whole host of medical issues could be to blame. Thank you for writing.

Editor’s note: Send your questions for Annie Lane to To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at