Dear Annie: Over the past six months, a wonderful friendship has been developing with a potential friend who enjoys the cultural and outdoor activities that I do.

We are both exchanging viewpoints, backgrounds, likes and dislikes freely. However, I have two problems: When I share my experience about a difficult health situation or maybe a familial situation, she has to top it or go one better with her own personal experiences.

I don’t ever feel as if she’s really listening in a compassionate way. And sometimes her response doesn’t even relate to the actual topic at hand. The other difficulty is that she repeats and repeats her own stories. I respond — kindly, I hope — with “Yes, I remember you telling me about that.” How can I bring about changes without hurting feelings or losing the friendship? — One-Upped

Dear One-Upped: Though relating to a friend is nice, listening is even better. That’s something your new friend doesn’t seem to understand.

Her serial one-upmanship may be an attempt, however misguided, at impressing and connecting with you. You can try gently raising the subject: “Have you ever noticed that when I tell a story, you seem to have a tendency to tell a similar but more extreme story? I think you’re trying to relate, but sometimes it makes me feel as though what I had to say wasn’t important.”

She’s probably annoyed other people with this habit, too, and you’d be doing her a favor by bringing it to her attention so she has the chance to correct the behavior.

But the one-upmanship and repeat storytelling could also be a case of pure self-absorption. In that case, calling the issue to her attention would do little to change it, and you’d have to look for close friendship elsewhere.

Editor’s note: Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.