Annie Lane, syndicated columnist

Dear Annie: My spouse and I chose to raise our kids in a neighborhood with excellent schools and a strong sense of community. The downside is that it’s also a very affluent area, and many of the families around us are far wealthier than we are. We work hard and live comfortably enough, but we can’t provide the kinds of luxuries that some of our children’s friends take for granted — brand-name clothes, international vacations, new cars at 16 and the latest electronics.

Lately, our kids have started acting embarrassed about what we can’t afford. They complain that their friends have nicer things and sometimes act as if we’re failing them because we can’t keep up with the spending around us. It’s painful, because we’ve always tried to emphasize gratitude, responsibility and living within our means. We also worry that they’re losing sight of how fortunate they actually are.

I don’t want to dismiss their feelings, but I also don’t want to raise kids who think love and success are measured by material things. How can we help them develop a healthier perspective when they’re surrounded by so much wealth and comparison every day? — Feeling Outmatched

Dear Outmatched: Comparison is powerful, especially for kids surrounded by wealth. What your children are experiencing isn’t unusual — but it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. As Theodore Roosevelt wisely said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Remind your kids (and yourself) that measuring life against others’ possessions only steals happiness.

Keep talking openly about your family’s values and the reasons behind your financial choices. Emphasize that character, kindness and responsibility matter far more than status symbols. Over time, those lessons tend to stick, even if they roll their eyes now.

And remember, many parents with far more money would gladly trade it for the kind of perspective you’re giving your children.

Dear Annie: I’m a competitive athlete, and my life revolves around training, staying active and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I’ve recently fallen for a woman, and we have a lot in common — similar senses of humor, shared values, and she’s incredibly kind. But there’s a problem: She’s not into physical activity at all. She doesn’t enjoy walking around the block, hiking or participating in the outdoor activities that are a big part of my life. Even casual things like biking on weekends feel like a chore for her.

I really like her, but I worry that our lifestyles are too different to be compatible long-term. I don’t want to pressure her into activities she dislikes, but I also can’t imagine giving up the physical side of my life that I love and rely on.

Is it possible to build a lasting relationship when your passions and daily habits are so different, or is this a sign that we’re not meant for each other? — Caught Between Heart and Sweat

Dear Heart and Sweat: It’s possible to make it work, but it requires compromise and respect. Celebrate the activities you love without making her feel guilty, and find small ways to share experiences she enjoys. A lasting relationship doesn’t require identical lifestyles, but both partners need to honor each other’s passions. If your core values align and you communicate openly, differences in activity levels can be managed rather than a deal-breaker.

EDITOR’S NOTE: “Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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