ANNIE LANE

Dear Readers: Wishing all the mothers out there a Happy Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day can be beautiful, but it can also be complicated. For some, it means flowers on the table, handmade cards, little hands carrying breakfast to bed and adult children calling just to say, “Thank you.” For others, it can stir up grief, disappointment, distance or memories of a relationship that was never as warm or easy as it should have been.

So this Mother’s Day, let’s widen the circle.

To the mothers who are celebrated, enjoy every card, every call, every hug and even the slightly wilted grocery-store bouquet. To the mothers who feel overlooked, please remember that much of what you gave was planted quietly in school drop-offs, bedtime stories, doctor’s appointments, teenage arguments, packed lunches, clean laundry and all the invisible work no one claps for. Those seeds may bloom in ways you do not yet see.

To those missing their mothers, missing their children or grieving what they hoped motherhood would be, may the day leave room for both love and sorrow. Not every family story is simple, and not every Mother’s Day fits neatly inside a greeting card.

And let us not forget the women who mother without a title: stepmothers, foster mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, teachers, neighbors and friends who give rides, remember birthdays, make room at the table, listen late at night and show up when showing up is hard. Some of the finest mothering in the world is done by women who never ask to be thanked.

Maya Angelou once said, “I sustain myself with the love of family.” That is what mothers, at their best, build. Not perfection, but a place where love can sustain us, even after we have grown and gone into the world.

And to adult children: Call your mother if you can. Write the note. Say the words while she can still hear them. Tell her one specific thing you remember, the soup she made when you were sick, the ride she gave when she was tired, the way she believed in you before you believed in yourself. “I appreciate you” is a full bouquet, and it never goes out of style.

Motherhood is not a greeting card. It is sacrifice, worry, forgiveness, humor, endurance and love in work clothes. This Sunday, honor the women who showed up, imperfectly, faithfully and often without being thanked nearly enough.

A good mother does not need a parade. But a phone call never hurt anybody.

Dear Annie: I’m devastated. My oldest and dearest friend of 50 years visited me recently. We had a good day together, and everything seemed normal.

A few hours after she left, I found a letter she left in my bathroom. It said some very hurtful things — that our friendship was toxic and she was walking away. She’s blocked me from calling or texting her.

I’m so sad and depressed. I don’t know why she didn’t feel that talking to me about this was necessary. I feel the letter was a cowardly act. She didn’t give a reason for ending the relationship, just that it was toxic. I’ve helped her in so many ways. I really don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. — Hurting Badly

Dear Hurting Badly: What a painful way to lose a lifelong friend. After 50 years, you deserved a conversation, not a letter left behind.

Right now, there may be no answers to chase. She’s made herself unreachable, and pressing may not get you very far. It may be worth gently asking yourself whether there were strains you didn’t fully see before. “Toxic” is a strong word, and it rarely comes out of nowhere.

If you can, send one final note saying you’re open to talking whenever she is, even if it’s just for some clarity. Then step back.

Grieve this loss, but don’t necessarily assume the story is over. Some conversations just take time.

Dear Annie: My wife and I have two adult children. They’re both bright and independent, but they see religion, politics and social issues very differently. This has led to heated debates and hurtful remarks, and now they’ve resolved not to be around each other.

That’s not difficult, as one lives on the East Coast and the other on the West Coast. They used to stay in touch and travel to our home in the South for holidays and other family events, but not anymore.

My wife and I fear our kids and grandkids may only be together again at our funerals. We get along with both kids, but once we try to arbitrate their disagreements, we hit a stone wall. They’re both of the mindset that the other has to become agreeable to their way of thinking.

I’ve tried telling them they can disagree on things without trying to convert one another, which has been met with little success. It’s very sad to have to see our children and grandchildren separately if we want to spend time together.

Each year, we invite them to our home for Christmas. One or the other always declines if the other one will also be in attendance. This isn’t the family picture we dreamed of when we married some 60 years ago. We’re getting on in years and would really like to have this resolved before we leave this world.

Any suggestions on how to bring these people to the same table come Christmastime? — Stuck Between the Two

Dear Stuck: This is a painful place to be, and your wish to see your family together again is completely understandable. But you can’t make two adults agree, or even show up, if they’ve decided otherwise.

What you can do is make a clear, heartfelt request. Tell them one peaceful holiday together would mean a great deal to you and your wife. Be specific: no debates, no politics, just time as a family. Frame it as a gift, not a negotiation.

Set a simple expectation: respect under your roof. They don’t have to change their views, only their behavior for a few days. They may still decline, but this gives them the chance to rise to the occasion and puts the responsibility where it belongs: on them.

In the meantime, keep your relationships with each of them strong. Even if things are strained between them as siblings, your bond with each of them doesn’t have to be.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.