ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: I’ve been friends with “Mark” since high school, which was over 15 years ago. He actually feels more like a brother than a friend. But over the past year, there’s been a shift in him. He’s gotten deep, deep into conspiracy theories. Every conversation somehow turns into a rant about the government’s hidden agenda or the evils of the pharmaceutical industry.

I brushed it off for a while, but it’s constant. It makes me not want to be around him. I’ve tried joking it away and even telling him directly it makes me uncomfortable, but he either doubles down or says I’ve been “brainwashed.”

I’m not really sure how to save this friendship. I think I might just have to keep my distance and hope this is a phase. Unless there is something else I can say to really get through to him…? — Miss My Friend

Dear Miss My Friend: Probably not. He sounds like he’s gone deep down the rabbit hole, and any attempt to reason with him will only widen the distance between you.

Make your boundary very clear: “When it turns into this, I’m out.” You’re protecting the part of the friendship that still exists. Whether that part survives depends on what he’s willing to meet you halfway on.

Dear Annie: I know this is the age-old problem of being single for many years, but do you think statistically there’s a chance to meet a decent guy at 66? I have many doubts.

Dating sites are a horrible option for women unless you want casual hookups, which isn’t what I’m looking for. I also know there are differences in attraction between men and women. Men look at a picture of an attractive woman and that’s what they want. I look at a picture and that’s all it is to me — a picture.

I have many emotional scars from men who badly mistreated me, starting with an abusive, alcoholic father. I can’t afford therapy at $100 a pop. Any advice? — Tired of the Freaks Who Find Me Attractive

Dear Tired: Yes, there’s absolutely still a chance for you to find love. It just may not look the way you expect.

At 66, many people meet new partners not through apps but through mutual interests and routine: volunteering, classes, community groups, shared faith. These are places where connections grow naturally, beyond a photo and a short bio.

If therapy isn’t affordable, look into local support groups, such as Al-Anon, which can help you work through some of your history. Your hesitation makes sense, given your past. But those experiences give you the wisdom to know what you will and won’t accept now.

Your doubts come from what you’ve been through, but don’t let them get the final say. The right man won’t make you feel the way the wrong ones did.

Dear Annie: My husband and I recently moved to a new town, and I feel lonelier than I expected to feel at this stage of life.

We are new empty nesters. Our youngest left for college in the fall, and not long after that we relocated for my husband’s job. On paper, it made sense. It is a nice area, safe, pretty and full of things people say they love. But most days I feel like I am walking around in someone else’s life.

Back home, I knew who I was. I had my routines, my friends, my familiar grocery store, my favorite coffee place where someone would ask how my kids were doing. Here, I do the same errands and somehow feel invisible. I smile at people, and they are polite, but it does not go anywhere. I have tried a few things, a book club where everyone already seemed to know each other, a gym class where people rush out the door, even volunteering once, but I came home feeling more out of place than before.

The quiet is the hardest part. The house is too tidy, my phone is too silent, and I keep catching myself wanting to text my kids about silly little things just to feel connected. I worry I am being needy, or worse, that I am becoming boring. My husband is adjusting better than I am because he has work. He comes home tired but fulfilled. I feel like I am waiting for my life to start again.

How do you make friends and build a sense of belonging when you are new, you are older than most of the “new friend” crowd and you feel like you missed the window for this? — Stranger in a Nice Place

Dear Stranger: You are not being needy. You are adjusting to a double change — an empty house and a new town. That kind of loneliness is normal, even in a “nice” place.

Adult friendships usually come from consistency, not one great conversation. Choose one or two weekly anchors and show up every time to the same class, the same volunteer shift, the same walk, the same coffee spot. Finding a small church group can be especially helpful because people will expect to see you again. Hobbies also do the same thing. Pick something that fits who you are, not who you think you should be.

Then reach out to others in a small, specific way, saying something such as, “I’m new here and still finding my people. Would you like to get coffee after this next week?” This is a clear, kind and low-pressure way to pitch a potential friendship.

You do not need a whole new life overnight. You need a few steady points of connection, and time to make it all happen.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.