ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: I recently reconnected with a former co-worker I was very close to — so close that many of our co-workers once thought we were dating, which was a big no! When we ran into each other, we shared a longer than normal embrace, and she gave me a peck on the cheek. I did the same. We agreed to a dinner date that upcoming weekend.

When the weekend arrived, I picked her up, and she greeted me with a kiss on the lips, which caught me totally by surprise. She said, “As long as we’ve been friends, despite everything we’ve done together, I didn’t think we’d ever kissed on the lips. I wanted to cross that off the list,” then apologized. I didn’t say a word and just smiled back.

Later, walking through the restaurant’s dimly lit parking lot, she grabbed a hold of my hand because she said she didn’t feel safe. She didn’t release her grip until we were seated in the restaurant. She then looked at me and said, “Item two crossed off my list.”

Since that night, our relationship has progressed to the point where we hold hands everywhere we go, alternate sleeping at each other’s places and recently started sleeping naked together. We’ve discussed having sex and have agreed to hold off for now because we’ve both been so stressed at work.

My question is, are we both ready to go all in on a serious relationship, or are we both content as cuddle buddies? Any input would be greatly appreciated. — Wondering if I Should Go All In, In Virginia

Dear Wondering: You two have already crossed several emotional and physical milestones, so it would seem things have moved past casual. But the only people to truly know the answer to your question are you and this woman.

You’ve known each other for years and clearly share chemistry — two strong components for a solid, long-lasting relationship, if that’s what you want. The best way to know where you stand is to ask. Think seriously about what your romantic intentions are, share them with this woman, and then allow her the chance to do the same. Take things at your pace and with whatever label feels right to you both.

What matters most is that you’re both moving in the same direction, wherever that may lead.

Dear Annie: My husband and I wonder why good friends and family will say over and over again, “I’ll have you over for dinner,” but never do. We like to entertain and don’t expect anything in return. But it’s disheartening when people repeat the offer, even text you, but never follow through. We feel disrespected.

My husband feels these are just filler words at the end of an evening together. I feel like people could just say, “Thanks for the lovely evening,” instead. It’s almost like mental abuse in a sense to keep doing that to someone.

There are so many excuses today for everything — “I forgot,” or “I’m busy.” It’s hard to maintain good relationships when everyone is so self-centered. Any advice? Thank you for what you do. — Disappointed in Ohio

Dear Disappointed: Your husband may be right. Most people say things of the sort to be polite and often do so thoughtlessly, no harm intended. Still, it stings when it feels like your hospitality and generosity aren’t being reciprocated.

The key is to start thinking of these comments as soft pleasantries instead of hard promises. The next time you leave a social soiree, tell your friends, “We’d love to do this again — just let us know when works for you.” Then the ball is in their court. Those who are just as serious about initiating as you and your husband will.

It’s not abuse, but it does hurt and grows tiring to always be the one making the effort. Focus your energy on the friends who do show up and follow through. That’s where your time is best spent.

Dear Annie: When my husband and I retired, I imagined we’d spend more time together — relaxing, traveling, maybe picking up some hobbies. But to my surprise, he dove headfirst into a new phase of life, setting up a home office to work on electronic projects he never had time for during his career.

The problem was, I kept interrupting him without realizing it. I’d pop in with a question or ask about dinner, and he’d get frustrated, saying I broke his train of thought. It started to cause tension. Then a friend gave us a great suggestion: have him post his “working hours” on the door to his office. We did — and it worked like a charm. I knew when it was OK to check in and when he needed focus time.

This got me thinking. I recently read a letter from someone living as a guest in another couple’s home, and she was struggling to set boundaries around her own space and time. It seems like a similar situation. When you’re living with others — whether it’s a spouse or roommates or even temporary guests — doesn’t everyone benefit from a little clarity around personal time and space?

So, here’s my question: What’s a polite and effective way for someone living in someone else’s home to carve out their own time without seeming rude or ungrateful? Is it OK to set “office hours” or private time, even if you’re not technically paying rent? — Retired but Still Learning

Dear Retired: You and your husband found a smart and respectful solution, and yes, it can absolutely apply to other shared living situations.

Whether you are married, hosting a guest or the guest yourself, sharing a home works best when everyone communicates their needs clearly. Setting boundaries around personal time is not rude. It is healthy.

If someone is staying in another person’s home, it is perfectly reasonable to say, “I will be using this time for work or quiet,” and even post a friendly sign as a reminder. It is not about being ungrateful. It is about avoiding tension before it starts.

Being clear and kind helps everyone feel more comfortable and keeps relationships strong.

Dear Annie: My daughter is getting married next year at a beautiful but remote location. The venue is about a six-hour drive from where I live and also requires a ferry ride. It’s an outdoor ceremony with uneven terrain and a fair amount of walking, which makes me hesitant about inviting one of my dearest friends.

She’s my oldest and most cherished friend, and I value her deeply. However, she has some mobility challenges, and I worry that the distance, the physical demands of the location and the travel logistics might be too much for her. On top of that, I don’t want her to feel obligated to buy a gift or spend money she may not feel comfortable spending.

At the same time, I don’t want her to feel excluded or unimportant. Not inviting her feels wrong — but so does putting her in a difficult position where she might feel pressured to say yes even if it’s not practical for her.

How do I honor our friendship, show her that she matters and handle this situation with care and sensitivity? — Wanting to Be Thoughtful

Dear Wanting to Be Thoughtful: Send the invitation. Let your friend decide what she can handle. Include a brief note making it clear there’s no pressure to attend and no gift expected. If she’s as close as you say, she’ll appreciate being included and trusted to make the right choice for herself.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.