ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: My husband will be 60 on his next birthday, and despite having asthma, he’s in very good shape. Our daughter is 27 and doesn’t manage her finances or life very well. She recently asked my husband to help her move as he has done four times previously. He agreed, even though it was just the two of them moving everything.

The new apartment is up three flights of stairs and they moved her in on a 98-degree day. It took several hours, and he did not get home until after 10 p.m. I feel this was thoughtless and completely selfish of our daughter. She is frequently inconsiderate, and she made this request two days before the move.

My husband is a great dad, but I feel he needs to set some boundaries with our daughter. I voiced that I felt her request wasn’t reasonable. He made it clear that if she asks in the future, he will move her again. I’m concerned that she will continue to use him until he drops. We mostly hear from her only when she needs something. Am I out of line to ask her to hire someone to move her in future? — Used Up in Texas

Dear Used Up: You’re not out of line. Your daughter is closer to 30 than 20, which means at this point, she should be taking care of moving on her own, or hiring help if she needs it. But as long as your husband keeps saying yes, she never will.

Instead of confronting your daughter, talk to your husband again. Let him know that you’re worried about his well-being and that by picking up the pieces whenever your daughter needs it, he’s not really helping — he’s enabling. Now’s the time to give her a little tough love. If he insists on being involved in her future moves, encourage him to take care of himself first and set boundaries, meaning shorter moving days with limits on what he lifts and plenty of advance notice.

Dear Annie: My longtime boyfriend and I are mature adults. My problem is that he insists on eating all of his home-cooked meals in bed. Imagine cooking a beautiful dinner and your partner refuses to eat at the table, instead loading up a bowl of food and eating in bed while glued to the TV. There is no conversation because he might “miss” something on TV. Meanwhile, I sit on a stool balancing my plate on my lap to dine with him. After going to all of the work to make a nice dinner, I then have to dine and clean up the kitchen by myself while he’s glued to the boob tube!

On the rare occasion that he actually sits at the table to eat, he complains, even though there’s a TV in the dining room that he watches while eating. He’s very capable of sitting at a table and dining as he does when we go out to eat or go to friends’ homes. Oddly enough, if he sees someone dining alone, he’ll feel sorry for them. However, dining alone is what I’m forced to do in our home. What should I do about this? — The Lone Diner

Dear Lone Diner: This isn’t just about your boyfriend choosing to eat in bed; it’s about him prioritizing his comfort and preferences over connecting and spending quality time with you. You’ve sacrificed what you want to accommodate him, meanwhile he hasn’t had to lift a finger.

You deserve to feel valued and appreciated in your relationship; you are this man’s partner after all, not his waitress. Tell your boyfriend directly that you want to eat dinner together, starting with two or three nights a week, totally uninterrupted, at the dining table, no TV allowed. If he’s not willing to meet you halfway and grant you this very small ask, it may be time to stop cooking for two.

Dear Annie: I have been married to my husband, “Dave,” for 22 years. We met in college, and back then he was funny, attentive and full of life. We built a life together, raised two kids, managed careers, took family vacations, hosted holidays and always tried to be a united front, even during hard times. I have always thought of our marriage as steady and loyal, not overly romantic, but rooted in deep friendship.

Now the kids are grown and out of the house, and suddenly the silence between us is deafening. We sit across from each other at dinner and talk about errands, bills or the dog, but never anything deeper. I try to start real conversations, but Dave either brushes me off with a joke or gets defensive and says I am always making problems. He spends more time on his phone or watching TV than engaging with me. And when I suggested we try couples therapy, he laughed and said, “What for? We’re not like those people on talk shows.”

I find myself crying when I am alone, even though nothing is wrong on the surface. I feel more alone in this house with him than I ever did when he traveled for work. I don’t know if we are just in a rut or if the connection we once had is gone for good. Is this normal after so many years? Am I expecting too much, or is it time to face the possibility that Dave and I have grown too far apart? — Feeling Invisible in My Own Marriage

Dear Invisible: You are not alone — many long marriages hit this silent wall once the kids are grown and the distractions fade. But love cannot survive on autopilot. You’ve reached out, and he’s brushing you off. That’s not partnership; that’s avoidance.

Marriage is a two-way street. If one person is doing all the reaching, all the caring and all the hurting, it’s time for a wake-up call. Try one more honest conversation. If he still refuses to engage, consider counseling for yourself and try to ask for marriage counseling one more time. You deserve connection, not just company.

Dear Annie: My adult son barely calls or visits anymore, and when he does, he seems distracted and impatient. I raised him with love and always tried to be there for him. Now I feel forgotten. Should I say something or just give him space? — Feeling Left Behind

Dear Left Behind: I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. When children grow up and build their own lives, it can sometimes feel like we’ve been left in the shadows. But try not to take his distance personally; it may have more to do with the pace and pressures of his own life than with how he feels about you.

That said, your feelings matter. A gentle, honest conversation might help. Let him know you miss him and would love to hear from him more often — not out of guilt, but because you care and enjoy his company.

Give him the gift of grace, but also give yourself the comfort of connection. Sometimes a simple reminder is all it takes to bring someone back a little closer.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.