Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I’ve been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend, “Sarah,” for three years. We live together and have been discussing marriage. However, I recently discovered something that’s left me feeling confused and betrayed.

While cleaning out our closet, I stumbled upon a hidden stash of letters and mementos from her ex-boyfriend, “Scott.” The letters were deeply personal and intimate, expressing a level of passion and emotion she’s never shown with me. They dated for four years before we got together, and she’s always insisted that she’s completely over him.

I confronted Sarah about it, and she admitted she occasionally reads the letters but swears it’s purely nostalgic. She says she loves me and wants a future with me, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m competing with a ghost. It hurts to think she might still have feelings for him.

Now, I’m questioning everything. Am I just a placeholder for her true love? Is it normal to keep such mementos, or am I right to feel betrayed? I don’t want to end our relationship over this, but I also don’t want to live in the shadow of her past. What should I do? — Thrown off by My Girlfriend’s Past

Dear Thrown: If you really love Sarah, you shouldn’t have read her private letters without her permission. However, it’s not uncommon for people to keep mementoes like these from previous relationships — not because they still harbor feelings for an old flame but, as Sarah said, out of nostalgia for something that was once important.

Sarah’s relationship with this old boyfriend ended for a reason. Be transparent with her about how this discovery made you feel, but believe her feelings for you. You can’t move forward together if you’re constantly looking at the path behind you.

Dear Annie: I have a close friend I’ve known for years. Recently, she started spending a lot of time with a new group of friends, and I feel left out. They have inside jokes and make plans without including me. I know it’s natural for friendships to evolve, but I can’t help feeling jealous and hurt. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she says I’m overreacting and need to find new interests. I miss our old closeness and don’t know how to handle these feelings. Should I confront her again or work on accepting the new dynamics? — Left Out

Dear Left Out: Perhaps you should take a page out of your friend’s book and try to expand your circle, too. It’s normal for friendships to ebb and flow. If this girl is meant to be a long-term friend, I’m sure you will naturally find your way back to your “old closeness.” In the meantime, don’t let her desire for space and new experiences keep you from feeling fulfilled and happy.

Dear Annie: My wife and I had planned to visit Europe this summer with our daughter and two grandchildren. When we checked in with the airline and gave them our passports, at JFK Airport in New York, they would not let me board the plane because my passport — perfectly valid — was due to expire in one month.

They said the country we were flying to in Europe — Italy — required that the passports have at least three months before they expire.

The airline told us that if they let me fly there, they would be fined and I would be put on the first plane back to New York.

I have since researched this and found that many countries require at least six months before the expiration of a passport.

You can’t imagine how much of an inconvenience this caused for our entire family. What seems crazy to me is that the “expiration date” of a passport is not really an expiration date. It is three or six months before the expiration date.

I love your column and wanted to let your readers know about this in case they are planning to travel overseas. — Grounded at JFK

Dear Grounded: Thank you for the heads up. If you are traveling overseas, it’s a good idea to check with your airline about the passport requirements of the countries you plan to visit. I’m surprised your airline did not inform you of the requirements when you booked your tickets.

Dear Annie: There are three finance people in my department. One has a non-finance degree with six years of experience in the field. Another has 10-plus years of experience and an accounting degree. The third has 30-plus years of experience and two accounting degrees. The one with the least education and experience just got promoted above the other two.

One issue is that the boss has a history of playing favorites. When the promotion became public knowledge, our boss was very uncomfortable having to call us in and explain. It was apparent that we were never supposed to find out. To make matters worse, she lied about it.

She blamed her boss and a recent development at work for our colleague in passing us up. In truth, the paperwork was put in three months prior, and it wasn’t based on additional duties, as she said.

I should note that this person’s last promotion was less than three years ago, and the person who has been here longest has not had a promotion in 10 years.

I am concerned about working for this person because they play favorites and I’m not sure that I will move beyond where I am now. But, more importantly right now, I have zero respect for my boss for lying. (We have seen proof of the lie.)

This has really affected the morale in our department.

What advice do you have for me? — Lost Hope in Morale of Company

Dear Lost Hope: My advice is to start looking for a new job. If you don’t respect your boss, then you have no future there. You’re not going to be happy, and my guess is that they won’t be happy with you. It sounds like you’re trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Try to find a job where it feels comfortable.

EDITOR’S NOTE: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.