To the Journal editor:

To prevent heads from exploding, the following is considered as satire.

Reading between the lines of the climate change hysteria, one subject constantly comes up.

Money. Money in the form of fees, fines, buying carbon credits and spending billions on so-called green energy alternatives. Windmills, solar panels and electric cars all have issues and many of these issues aren’t entirely environmentally friendly.

Since money is the common denominator which all the common people of this earth will end up handing over to the Climate Czar, I propose that of the six billion plus inhabitants of this planet, each contribute a minimum $1,000 to the Climate Czar.

Diehard climate change believers are encouraged to pay at least half of their yearly income to the Climate Czar. This should make everyone feel warm and fuzzy knowing that they’re saving the planet from certain doom. The Climate Czar will be elected by all the people of earth.

When the Czar has received over $6 trillion, he will convert the paper money to gold, silver and platinum. These precious metals he will now present to Mother Nature, (I’m sure Mother Nature will suggest we keep the paper currency in case there is another toilet paper shortage.)

In exchange for this wealth, she’ll turn off all the active volcanoes that spew trillions of tons of the greenhouse gas sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere. She will also stop lightning strikes from starting forest fires that dump huge amounts of CO2 into the air. She will then introduce an oil-eating bacteria into all the oil fields on earth; this will eliminate the oil that causes many of the CO2 emissions. All natural gas will be vented into outer space, nuclear power plants and nuclear bombs will be made inert, and Mother Nature will convert all the coal into diamonds.

People living in cold climates will be encouraged to move to warmer climates or just live underground.

Hopefully there’ll be enough CO2 left in the atmosphere so that the oxygen generating trees and all other plants on earth can continue to grow and convert the CO2 into the food we and all living creatures depend on for our existence … If push comes to shove, we can just harvest the flatulent gas from cows as an energy source to build all of the CO2 free energy devices!

Since the beginning of this beautiful planet the climate has constantly changed, and not always for the better. Real scientists know this.

Which brings us back to money. Follow the money.