MARQUETTE — Relationships can be tricky. Maybe it’s just me, but it sure feels as though life is moving at breakneck speed and becoming more complicated by the day. People are stretched thin, pulled in multiple directions, and carrying more stress than they realize. And with everyone moving so fast, it doesn’t take much to rub someone the wrong way and put a relationship, any relationship, in a fragile place.

Whether it’s about a spouse, a child, a friend, a coworker, a church member, or even the neighbor who always waves from across the street, the same truth applies: relationships need care. They don’t run on autopilot. That’s why I want to share a concept that has proven incredibly helpful for repairing strained relationships and protecting healthy ones.

Stephen Covey, author of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” called it the “Emotional Bank Account.” Willard Harley, author of “His Needs, Her Needs,” described something similar and labeled it the “Love Bank.” I prefer a broader term: The Relationship Bank Account. Whatever name you choose, the idea is simple, and powerful. If you want positive, resilient relationships of any kind, you need to pay attention to what you’re depositing into, and withdrawing from, each account.

There are essentially two ways to strengthen or maintain a relationship with anyone. You can either increase positive contributions or reduce the harmful ones.

Positive contributions -your “deposits” – are the behaviors that build trust, goodwill, and emotional safety. These include simple gestures like showing respect, offering a sincere compliment, being patient, listening without interrupting, or doing something thoughtful when it isn’t expected. They don’t have to be grand displays. Small, consistent actions often matter most. The real trick is to identify what the other person experiences as a deposit. A gesture that feels meaningful to you might not land the same way with them.

Gary Chapman’s classic book “The Five Love Languages” does a great job explaining how people feel valued in different ways. For one person, a meaningful deposit might be a kind word. For another, it might be quality time, practical help, or a thoughtful surprise. Understanding their “language” is like learning the combination to their relational safe.

Withdrawals, on the other hand, work exactly as you’d expect. They drain the account. They leave a mark. And unfortunately, they are often easier to make than deposits. Criticism, sarcasm, broken promises, impatience, dismissiveness, inconsistency, and neglect are all common examples. Some withdrawals hurt deeply and have lingering consequences; others may seem small but still chip away at connection. Healthy relationships can absorb an occasional withdrawal, but a steady stream of them will strain, or even break almost any bond.

Here’s a question for you. If you want to improve a relationship and you could only choose one option- either increase your deposits or decrease your withdrawals-which would you pick?

Most people choose “make more deposits.” It feels active, positive, and doable. But research tells a different story.

According to relationship expert John Gottman and others, it takes five to 15 deposits to offset the impact of a single withdrawal. Put differently, you can’t balance the account by simply matching one good deed for every misstep. A single withdrawal carries far more weight than most of us realize. It takes a series of sincere, well-timed deposits just to bring the relationship back to neutral.

That’s why the smarter strategy, the one with the greatest payoff, is to focus first on reducing withdrawals. When you make a real effort to avoid the behaviors that injure, irritate, or disrespect another person, your deposits finally get a chance to work. They build up. They count. They move the relationship into positive territory rather than just repairing damage.

This may not be common sense, but I wish it were common practice. Your relationships, every one of them, can be stronger if you pay attention to your RBA.

Ron Price will be presenting “The Relationship CPR Seminar” at 6 p.m. Friday and at 2 p.m. Sunday at the Marquette Seventh-day Adventist Church, located at 270 E. U.S. 41, Negaunee. To RSVP, call 906-475-4488 or email mqtsdachurch@gmail.com. This free event includes a vegetarian dinner on Sunday.