Shahar Madjar, MD

In medical school I was envious of Leon, a fellow student for whom the study of Anatomy came at greater ease. I wanted to know Anatomy not only because I felt it was the key for everything medical, the key to the power of healing, but also because I wanted to win the undeclared competition with Leon. Years later, I serendipitously met Leon in a mall in Tel Aviv. He didn’t remember who I was. I reminded him. He still didn’t remember. He seemed remote and distracted, his hair thinning. By that time, I was a practicing urologist in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan while he had never pursued a career in clinical medicine. Instead, he became a research scientist, studying the mysteries of brain physiology in a prestigious research lab in Jerusalem. I realized that what I perceived as my competition was an entirely different situation: Leon and I lived in parallel universes. My competitiveness made me a better student of anatomy, but it was entirely misplaced.

I now understand that the drive to compete and win is a primal, instinctual force of nature that holds opposing potentials. On one hand, it is a source of energy and stamina that helps us focus our attention and concentrate our efforts, a force that pushes us forward and instructs us to learn and to create. On the other hand, if this raw force is followed untamed, it can turn into an act of self-destruction. Watch the daily news, or review the history of the world, and you too will be able to recognize individuals who were reduced from positions of great power into humiliating disgrace, and empires reduced to rubble. These are examples of unchecked driving forces and untamed ambitions. Loss, isolation, misery all follow.

How can one reconcile these opposing potentials of competition? Here are some points to consider:

1. Open a window. Open the window and look into the horizon for inspiration: Identify people whose achievements you appreciate and ask yourself, What made these people great? Can you emulate in your own work some of their mental processes and work habits? Can you be inspired by their wisdom and kindness?

2. Look in the mirror. Look in the mirror and calculate your abilities and possibilities. It’s time for a reality check. Despite what your mother might have told you, you can’t be successful in everything you choose to do! Suppose you aspire to be a pop-star, more specifically you want to tower above Taylor Swift. But as you look at yourself in the mirror (while singing aloud) you recognize that you lack the moves, you are tone-deaf, and you can’t write winning pop songs because you didn’t abandon enough ex-boyfriends to break your heart. Don’t despair! While you can’t be good at everything, you can almost always be very good at something! Your mission is to identify what that something is and work hard at it. It helps if you enjoy what you do, but here is a secret: if you are really good at something, it’s very likely that people will appreciate you, you will rake in the benefits, and guess what? You will enjoy it. Also, focus at the task at hand, one step at a time, and don’t try to outperform others in an attempt to win. Instead, aim at doing the best job you can do. If you put the time and effort in a field in which you have enough talent, you will be okay. Also, rather than focusing on yourself, focus on others. Ask, ‘How can I help you?’ with genuine curiosity and with true motivation to help others: make the life of others easier, healthier, happier. There is a great satisfaction in a job well done, and rewards in making others happier.

3. Open a door. Open your door, invite others in, and share what you have learned. Also, open the door to the outside world and join others so you can learn from their experience. Expand the circle of people around you to include those who you tend to see as your competitors. Instead of competing, collaborate.

4. Competition is a choice: At almost any level and in almost any circumstances, you have the option of opting out of the competition: by reframing how you perceive the situation and focusing on the tasks rather than on the rankings, by choosing a profession or a role that is more collaborative than competitive, and by changing the circumstances of your working environment. Remember: although competition is an instinct, a force that can’t be ignored, it’s also a choice, a force you can recognize, a force that can be tamed.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Dr. Shahar Madjar is a urologist at Aspirus and the author of “Is Life Too Long? Essays about Life, Death and Other Trivial Matters.” Contact him at smadjar@yahoo.com.