Gossiping is generally defined as an exaggeration or fabrication of a story of a personal, intimate, or private nature, regarding somebody other than the person telling the story.

This gossiping is always done in the absence of this person who is the target of the gossip. The person doing the gossiping is almost always a person who enjoys this attention-seeking activity and habitually spreads intimate or private rumors.

Nearly all people who gossip do so without regard to the impact their gossip may have on the person they are gossiping about.

These gossipers will always place their own attention-getting comments ahead of demonstrating any personal respect and care for others.

Gossiping may occur wherever people are gathered together. Studies show that most gossiping takes place at work, and less commonly at other places where people gather. With regard to the workplace, gossip can be found just about everywhere.

The following is a generally accepted list of the top five reasons why people gossip:

1. It makes them feel more powerful or popular.

2. They gossip to attract attention and feel important for that moment when they are gossiping.

3. It makes them feel like they are truly part of the group and falsely believe that gossiping bonds them to the group.

4. They want to be seen as a person who is “in the know.”

5. Lastly, they may have a hidden agenda and may truly wish to hurt the person they are gossiping about.

So, just how damaging and harmful is gossiping? People who do the gossiping tend to have low personal self-esteem. In fact, gossiping directly affects the person who is doing the gossiping and has a very negative impact on the gossiper’s own self-confidence. Of course, the gossiping can also hurt the one being gossiped about.

Unfortunately, when one starts to gossip about others, it can become a habit, and this is one of the most negative things one person can do to another. Gossiping may well have a more negative impact on the person doing the gossiping than on the person being gossiped about.

When a person gossips, they lose trust and credibility with their friends, acquaintances, and co-workers. As a rule, people do not trust other people that they know like to gossip about others.

When someone hears a person gossip, they may wonder what they might be saying about them to other people. Anyone who chooses to gossip needs to know this: Once you lose the trust of your friends and co-workers, it is very difficult to get it back.

If an individual believes they tend to personally gossip, I highly recommend that they give very serious thought as to why they continue to gossip, and then make the choice to stop any and all personal gossiping. Our words are very powerful and we will often be judged by the words we use.

Further, if you are in a personal conversation with someone, and you note that they are starting to gossip, I recommend that you politely make this statement. “Excuse me, but I really don’t want to hear what you are talking about, as this is none of my business.” In my experience, this comment usually moves the conversation on to a much more positive verbal interaction.

In my judgment, gossiping represents one of the cruelest forms of adult human interactions. Do yourself a huge favor and do not personally gossip and do not listen to others who want to gossip when speaking to you.

Your verbal interactions will be much more enjoyable and you will not be hurting yourself and others. Let me close with the following two thoughts about gossiping:

“Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.” – Spanish proverb

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” – Thumper Rabbit, from the movie “Bambi”

Editor’s note: Dr. Jim Surrell, author of “SOS (Stop Only Sugar) Diet,” has his practice at the Digestive Health Clinic at Marquette General Health System. Requests for health topics for this column are encouraged. Contact Dr. Surrell by email at sosdietdoc@gmail.com.