Trending
Dear Annie: I’m 74 and just moved in with my younger sister. Since I’ve been here, I’ve noticed she’s drinking more than I remember her drinking before, close to a bottle of wine nearly every night. She otherwise seems fine. She’s still doing her gardening, cooking meals for herself and meeting up with friends.
But still — this can’t be good for her. I’m hesitant to critique how she lives when she otherwise seems fine, especially when it’s something she’s doing in her own home. Do I say something, or is this none of my business? — Newly Moved In
Dear Newly Moved In: It’s not none of your business. It’s your sister, and protecting her health is worth an uncomfortable conversation.
Raise it gently: “I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking more, and I wanted to check in.” You don’t need to monitor her from here on out; just make sure she knows you noticed and that you care.
Dear Annie: Seven years ago, my husband died from Parkinson’s. It was a long and nasty way to die and, to say the least, heartbreaking for me and our children.
Throughout the ordeal, my senior ladies’ group was a source of comfort and stability. They all knew what my husband was going through. For one hour a week, I absorbed the love of true friends, and it gave me strength.
Now, a newer member of the group’s husband has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s. My heart goes out to her. She wasn’t here during my husband’s long journey, so she may not know how he died.
Is it possible to offer her support without sharing too many specifics? I don’t want to compare her husband to mine. Every case is unique, and he may well have a very different experience.
The Parkinson’s Foundation (www.parkinson.org/) and The Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research (www.michaeljfox.org/) were wonderful sources of information and support. I plan to refer her to both. They also helped connect me with a local support group that was so good for me.
Is there anything else I can do to guide her toward the support she needs? — Been There
Dear Been There: You know firsthand what helped you most: having people around who cared.
You don’t need to tell this woman every detail of your husband’s illness to offer her the same comfort. Simply tell her you’ve walked this road before and are there if she ever wants to talk. Then let her decide how much she wants to know and when. Pointing her toward the organizations and support group that helped you is a wonderful start, too.
Beyond that, just keep showing up for her. You know better than most how much that means.
Dear Annie: I travel fairly often from Miami to Europe and California, and lately I’ve been thinking I need to change the way I do it. I’m at the point where I’d honestly rather take fewer trips and enjoy them more than squeeze myself into economy for hours just to save money.
I’d love to fly business class about five times a year and maybe treat myself to first class once in a while when it really feels worth it. What matters most to me is being able to sleep, arrive rested, have a little flexibility if plans change, and actually enjoy the travel day instead of dreading it.
Some of my trips are planned months ahead, while others are more spontaneous. I’m willing to connect through another city for a much better experience, but I also don’t want to make every trip feel like a complicated game of points, routes and upgrades.
If you were giving advice to a friend in my shoes, what would you prioritize? Are there certain airlines, routes or European hubs that are noticeably better for business class? When is first class truly worth the extra money? And how much should lounges, nonstop flights and flexibility factor into the decision?
I’m not trying to travel as cheaply as possible. I just want to travel smarter, more comfortably and in a way that feels worth the money. What would you do? — Smart Traveler
Dear Smart Traveler: Spend where comfort matters most: lie-flat seats, good schedules and flexibility. Choose nonstop when you can, and save first class for special occasions. The smartest luxury is arriving rested and ready to enjoy the trip.
Dear Annie: I recently lost a significant amount of weight, and while I’m proud of myself, I’ve noticed that maintaining it has started to take up more mental space than I expected.
At home, I have a routine. I know what I’m eating, I exercise regularly, and I feel in control. But traveling is another story. Vacations used to mean trying wonderful restaurants, having dessert, ordering a glass of wine and enjoying whatever the local specialty happened to be. Now I find myself studying menus, worrying about calories and wondering how much weight I’ll gain if I relax for a few days.
I’ll be sitting at a beautiful restaurant with people I love, and instead of enjoying the moment, part of my brain is calculating what I ate earlier that day. Sometimes I even turn down foods I really want because I’m afraid one indulgent meal will lead me right back to where I started.
I worked hard to lose the weight and certainly don’t want to regain it, but I also don’t want maintaining my weight to keep me from enjoying my life. How do I find a healthy balance between taking care of myself and letting myself truly enjoy vacations again? — Afraid to Let Go
Dear Afraid to Let Go: One of the biggest contributors to weight gain is stress. I say let yourself order dessert or a glass of wine so that you don’t feel deprived. Allow yourself to enjoy your new body and continue to speak kindly to yourself. A good life has room for both healthy choices and pleasurable ones in small doses.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.