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Dear Annie: I always pictured summer as the one time of year when our family could finally slow down. During the school year, we are all racing from homework to practices to carpools to late dinners. I thought summer would bring beach days, lazy mornings, cookouts and maybe one real vacation where we could reconnect without everyone checking a team schedule.
Instead, our summers have become just as busy as the school year, maybe busier. My 13-year-old son plays on a travel baseball team, and my 15-year-old daughter plays competitive soccer. Between practices, tournaments, showcases and “optional” training sessions that do not feel optional at all, nearly every weekend is taken. We have spent more nights in chain hotels near sports complexes than anywhere that feels like a vacation.
The kids love their teams, and I am proud of their dedication. I also know these experiences have taught them discipline, teamwork and resilience. But I miss us. I miss board games and late-night swims.
My husband says this is just the price of raising competitive kids today. I refuse to accept that. There has to be another way. But I worry that we are letting coaches and tournament schedules run our family. Is it selfish to want one week away together, even if it means missing games and disappointing a team? — Sidelined by Summer Sports
Dear Sidelined: No, it is not selfish to want a family vacation. It is parenting.
Sports are wonderful. They teach grit, teamwork and discipline. But they should add to family life and not take it over. Talk to your husband, and then talk to your kids. Tell them you are proud of them. Also tell them your family needs time together.
Someone may be disappointed. That is OK. Missing one tournament will not ruin a child’s future. Missing years of family summers might leave a bigger mark.
Balance is everything. Go make the memories with the family.
Dear Annie: My boyfriend is kind, funny and good to me in many ways, but there is one big problem: He does not like my dog.
My dog was in my life before he was. She is sweet, older and a little spoiled, but she is family to me. My boyfriend complains about the hair, the barking and the fact that I let her sleep on the couch. He says I treat the dog like a person.
Now I feel caught between the man I love and the dog who has been my loyal companion for years. Am I being unreasonable for expecting him to accept her? — Love Me, Love My Dog
Dear Love Me, Love My Dog: Your boyfriend does not have to love your dog, but he does need to respect that she matters to you.
Talk with him about what is reasonable. Maybe there are compromises around the couch, barking or dog hair. But there should not be constant criticism.
A good relationship does not require loving all the same things. It does require respect.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.