ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: I used to really enjoy my job. Then came my new cubicle mate. She is perfectly nice, friendly, polite, even funny, but she also has body odor so powerful it could knock over a houseplant. Our desks are only five feet apart, which means I spend eight hours a day marinating in her scent cloud. By mid-morning, my stomach is churning, and by quitting time, I feel like I should toss my clothes straight into a bonfire.

I tried putting an air freshener under my desk, but that was like putting a Band-Aid on a flood. The smell sails right past lavender, citrus and mountain breeze without breaking a sweat. I cannot tell if it is sweat, unwashed laundry, poor hygiene or possibly a medical issue. All I know is that it is relentless.

I am not the only one who notices. My co-workers whisper about it behind her back, and a few have even gone to management. Nothing has changed. Meanwhile, I am stuck in ground zero. I do not want to hurt her feelings or make her feel singled out. She really is a kind person, and I would like to keep things cordial. But my nose has been waving a white flag for weeks.

How do I bring this up without making her feel humiliated or turning our cubicle into a war zone? — Fresh Air

Dear Fresh Air: There is no easy way to tell someone they smell bad, but there are kinder ways than you might think. Since management already knows and has not acted, the next step is to address it gently yourself. Keep it private, keep it short and keep it kind. A simple, “I don’t know if you are aware, but there’s sometimes an odor and I thought you would want to know” is direct without being cruel. Most people would rather hear it quietly from a colleague than through office gossip.

If the idea of saying it yourself feels impossible, ask your manager or HR to step in again, and insist it be handled. This is a workplace issue, not just a personal nuisance, and it is fair to expect management to deal with it.

You are not a villain for wanting to breathe freely at work. A little honesty, delivered with care, can make life better for both of you.

Dear Annie: I’m a 52-year-old woman who thought I had my friendships figured out. I’ve had the same core group of friends for more than 30 years — we’ve been through weddings, births, divorces, even the loss of parents. But lately, I feel like I’ve been quietly voted out of the club.

When we were younger, we leaned on each other for everything. Now they plan weekends away, dinner parties and even simple movie nights — and I often find out only after the fact, when I see the photos on social media. I’ve asked once or twice if I did something wrong, and they brush it off with excuses about schedules or “it just came together last minute.”

Here’s the thing: I’m not looking for constant invites or hand-holding, but being excluded from people who once felt like family stings. I can’t tell if this is just the natural ebb and flow of long friendships, or if I’ve truly been edged out. Part of me wants to call it out directly. Another part wonders if I should gracefully bow out and build new connections with people who value me.

How do you know when to fight for old friendships — and when to let them go? — Feeling Left Out

Dear Feeling Left Out: Friendships, like seasons, shift over time. You can’t control whether you’re invited, but you can control how you respond. Tell your friends plainly that their exclusions hurt, and then watch what they do — not what they say. If the behavior continues, take it as information: you deserve to spend your energy on people who show up for you. Old friendships are worth cherishing, but they aren’t worth begging for.

Dear Annie: My husband and I have a large family, and earlier this year we welcomed our newest baby, “Izzy.” The pregnancy went smoothly, and everyone thought she was healthy until about half a week after coming home, when she began showing concerning symptoms. We’ve been working closely with her doctor ever since and recently learned she has a rare genetic condition. It’s incurable, causes severe symptoms and is usually fatal in childhood.

We’re OK sharing information about her condition with concerned family and friends in our children’s school group. However, I’m not sure how to respond when strangers in public notice something is clearly off. I want to respect Izzy’s medical privacy, but I also don’t want to arouse suspicion that we’re hiding something.

The first time a stranger pointed out how “floppy” Izzy was, I tried to brush it off while acknowledging it was true. We now believe that this same person reported us to child protective services on the suspicion that our home was somehow medically unfit for our children to live in. This is an assumption and there was no real basis for them to think this if it’s true; child protective services never obtained a warrant to actually come search our home or ask us questions. Although nothing came of it, we want to avoid that happening again in the future.

The next time someone in public asked, “Is your baby OK?” I just said she was fine and moved on. Then I felt bad because I don’t want to lie, and it’s obvious something is wrong. I’m wondering if I should come up with a bare-minimum response to avoid the busybodies and others, like child protective services, getting involved when we’re already overwhelmed dealing with this as a family. What are your thoughts? — Medical Mama

Dear Medical Mama: The stress you and Izzy are carrying doesn’t fall under the small talk umbrella. You don’t owe strangers private details about your life or your family — period.

The next time it comes up, have something short and simple in your back pocket that respects Izzy’s privacy but shuts down more questions. Something like, “She has a rare condition, but she’s doing well. She’s getting excellent medical care and is so loved.”

You can’t control what others think or say, but you can control how much of your energy you give them. Save it for Izzy and the rest of your family. That’s where it belongs.

Dear Annie: I’m four years older than my boyfriend. I’m 36, and he’s 32. I really want to get married and have kids one day, but he wants to take things slow. I don’t know what else to do or say to him.

He’s made some bad decisions in the past, and his mom is his support system. I’ve tried to tell him that I can be his support system, but he doesn’t want me to be there for him, only his mom. Any advice? — Unwanted in Hermitage, Tennessee

Dear Unwanted: You’ve told him what you want; he’s told you what he wants. The mismatch here isn’t a communication issue — it’s a compatibility issue.

Now you need to decide if you’re willing to wait for him to grow up, put you before his mother and build a future with you, or if your energy and aspirations are better spent on a partner who’s ready for them now.

Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.