ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: I’ve been married for 28 years, and I’m starting to feel like my husband doesn’t love me as much anymore as he once did.

We talk and get along, but it feels like we are more friends instead of lovers. We used to make love all the time. But since we moved in with his dad to take care of him, I’m lucky if we make love once a week. And when we do, it’s not the same. It feels rushed and like he’s in a hurry to finish.

Am I just overthinking and overreacting? — Lonely in Love

Dear Lonely: You’re not overreacting; you’re simply noticing a shift in your marriage and longing for the closeness you once had.

Caring for an aging parent is noble but draining, so it makes sense that intimacy has shifted to the back burner. But that doesn’t mean it’s bound to stay that way forever. Talk to your husband. Tell him you miss him, not just sexually, but emotionally, too. A good couples counselor can support you both in getting the conversation going. The flame is still there. Now you two just need to work to reignite the fire.

Dear Annie: I was a single mom to my beautiful, autistic daughter for the first eight years of her life. I am now 43. My uncle had autism, so I know it runs in the family. When she was 3, COVID hit, and I became overwhelmed in a small apartment with her. I contacted her father and let him start visiting us every weekend.

I learned that he was very privileged and still lived with his parents — in a much better neighborhood by the beach and near better schools for our daughter. My parents passed away a long time ago, and I severed ties with the rest of my family a while ago, too. I let her father take custody, and she’s loved by him and his parents. She means everything to them, and I couldn’t be happier.

She has every luxury I couldn’t offer her and a big family to love her. I guess it’s what I wanted as a kid, but I grew up very poor. There was never anything special for me in my family. Even a couple of birthdays went by without my family noticing. I was teased for being poor, too.

Now, my daughter cries for me when I visit. I can’t think that I made a mistake. On one hand, I know she deserves a mother, and on the other, if I stay away, I’m securing her future financially. I’m afraid that my involvement with my daughter will hurt her future, but I don’t want her to feel abandoned in the meantime.

Is stepping back for a time stepping away from the equation? — Puzzled Mom in Utah

Dear Puzzled Mom: Being a good parent isn’t just about school districts or bank accounts; it’s about consistency, love and showing up no matter what. Her father may be able to give her monetary support you can’t, but she only has one mom, you. She obviously loves and misses you — it’s why she cries for you when you leave.

Your current custody arrangement doesn’t erase your place in her life. Stepping back now will only hurt you both. Staying involved however you can — phone calls, visits, letters — will assure her that you love her and she has both of her parents in her corner.

Dear Annie: I am writing about a friendship that has left me hurt and confused. My husband and I have known this couple for many years. He has been our friend for decades, and when he remarried, we welcomed his new wife with open arms. She and I became close quickly; we shopped together, met for coffee and had long phone conversations.

But over time, she grew distant. Calls became shorter, texts turned into nothing but emojis and her warmth seemed to fade. When we moved to Florida, instead of being happy for us, she gave me the silent treatment. Later, when we invited them to visit, things felt fine, but as soon as they left, she pulled away again.

The final straw came when they offered to watch our house while we were away for a month. They never came by once. Our plants died, the thermostat broke, and all I received was a brief “sorry” and a heart emoji. It hurt, especially because we have always been generous with them, even giving away furniture when they needed it.

Since then, she has admitted she is a “bad texter,” but nothing has changed. I have tried to keep the friendship alive, but I feel like I am chasing someone who no longer values me. She dismisses my feelings as if I am holding a grudge over one incident, when in reality, this distance has been building for years.

Am I wrong to feel so hurt? Should I confront her, write a letter or simply let this friendship go? I miss the person I thought she was, but I do not recognize her anymore. — Confused Friend

Dear Confused: You have given this friendship time, energy and generosity. What you have received back is distance and half-hearted replies. It hurts, but it also tells you all you need to know.

Friendship has to go both ways. You cannot keep it alive alone, no matter how much history you share. She has shown you where she stands. The kindest thing you can do for yourself now is to stop chasing and focus on people who value your effort.

Sometimes closure comes not from a letter but from accepting what is. And as Ann Landers would say, it feels wonderful when you stop banging your head against the wall.

Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.