ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: I suffer from severe anxiety over everything. I am and have been on medication for some time and I do see a therapist, but nothing seems to help. I have my share of issues, but my mind always jumps to the worst possible outcomes.

In December, I had a hemorrhage. The doctors gave me pain medicine and told me it was colitis after a CT scan. Since then, I’ve convinced myself I have colon cancer. On top of that, I was recently diagnosed with chronic kidney disease. I need to go back to the doctor for more testing on my kidneys and colon, but I’m terrified and can’t bring myself to go. My mental state is so fragile that I feel like I’d fall apart if I heard bad news. The past six years have already been very stressful and hard on me, and I don’t know how much more I can handle.

I know about “fight or flight,” but is there such a thing as “freeze”? Because that’s how I feel. I’m 56, and most days I can barely get off the couch. I feel sick and fatigued all the time. When I drive these days, I only go to places I’m used to. I’ve gone to the hospital several times with chest pain, only to be told it was a panic attack or my anxiety. When I saw the doctor for the hemorrhage last year, I was given several referrals, none of which I’ve been able to bring myself to follow through on. The thought alone makes me literally shake and get sick, and I have bowel movements that can last all day long.

I wasn’t like this a year ago. I was a totally different person. Now, even speaking to my therapist or psychiatrist over the phone makes me nervous. A friend of mine has told me it’s better to find out if I have cancer or worse than to sit and worry, which I believe is probably true, but I still can’t make myself go get rechecked.

What can I do? Who can I talk to? I can’t control the fear, and I’m terrified. –Paralyzed by Fear

Dear Paralyzed: Yes, the “freeze” response is real, just like “fight or flight,” and from your letter, it’s clear you’re in the throes of it. Even the simplest things, like getting off the couch or making a phone call, are causing severe physical symptoms. That’s debilitating, and it deserves your full attention.

You already have a psychiatrist and a therapist, which is a great start. But for them to truly help, you must be fully honest with them about how powerless you feel. Share with them everything you wrote in this letter. With the full context, they may adjust your medication, schedule more frequent sessions or introduce different kinds of therapies to help you break this cycle.

And you don’t have to do this alone. Ask a friend or family member to sit with you while you call to schedule the follow-up appointments you need, or to go with you to those visits when the time comes. Take it one step at a time.

At the end of the day, your friend is absolutely right: Knowledge really is power. As scary as the worst-case scenarios feel in your head, you don’t even know for certain if there’s anything for you to be so afraid of. Facing the truth is far better than continuing to live in limbo. Anxiety loves to make us spiral, but don’t let it. You are stronger than your anxiety wants you to believe. Take back your power.

Dear Annie: I am a 57-year-old woman who has had many problems with my sister over the years. When my mother was alive, I would call to talk with her, but my sister often answered the phone. If she did not like the way I spoke or the tone of my voice, she would simply hang up on me.

On the day we buried my father, her children tried to pick a fight with my daughter, and my sister joined in. That was the last straw. I walked away from that side of the family and have not spoken to any of them since.

Now people keep telling me I should try to reconcile, but I do not want to. My sister continues to post things on social media that twist my words, and she even claims she has only one sister — and it is not me.

I have found peace by walking away. Do I really have to let her back into my life just because others think I should? — At Peace Without Her

Dear At Peace Without Her: You do not owe anyone a relationship that brings you pain. Family ties can be powerful, but they do not excuse cruelty, disrespect or public shaming. You have already tried, and your sister has shown you who she is.

If walking away has given you peace, then protect that peace. Others may pressure you to reconcile, but they are not the ones living with the hurt. You are. Boundaries are not selfish. Sometimes the healthiest choice is distance.

Dear Annie: Thank you for printing the recent letters about coaching. Your perspective was spot on and reminded me how much coaching has shaped my own life and family.

I spent 10 seasons as a high school volleyball coach, finishing with a record of 98 wins and 9 losses and seeing eight of my players go on to earn Division I scholarships. I stepped away at age 30, but coaching soon found me again. My daughter came home in fourth grade and announced that her school was starting a basketball team — and that I was the coach. That grew into softball as well, and those little teams never lost.

My approach was always the same: Give your best and finish satisfied. I believed my role as coach was to instill confidence, to help players believe they were capable of more than they imagined. Winning was never the real goal.

My daughter still talks about the friendships and fun she gained during those years, which is the greatest reward. Thank you again for highlighting the value of coaching done with heart. — Coaching

Dear Coaching: Your perspective was thoughtful and right on target. As someone who has coached for many years, I was reminded of the lasting impact coaches can have when the focus is on encouragement, confidence and joy rather than just winning.

I appreciate you giving space to this conversation. It matters.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.