ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: I was invited to, and attended, both an engagement party and a bridal shower. I spent a bit of money on gifts for both. I wasn’t invited to the wedding, which hurt me somewhat, but I understood the couple was trying to keep it small.

Now, two years later, I’ve been invited to the baby shower. While I’m happy for this couple, I can’t help but feel like I’m being used as a money/gift grab. On top of that, I never received a thank-you note or acknowledgment for the previous gifts I gave.

Am I being selfish or being taken advantage of? Thanks for hearing me out. — Feeling Used

Dear Feeling Used: You’re not being selfish; you’re being honest about how you feel. Keeping a guest list small is one thing, but not being thanked for your generosity — and also being left out on the big day — would leave anyone disheartened.

If you’d like to show support for the baby and mom-to-be, you could attend the shower with a card and simply your presence. If that still doesn’t sit right, a polite decline is perfectly acceptable. You don’t owe anyone a gift out of guilt. Real celebrations are about love and connection, not tallying up what people bring.

Dear Annie: I’ve been married to my husband for 25 years. My mother-in-law is not a nice woman. She will be lovely to someone’s face but then talk trash about them the moment they leave.

Over the years, she has repeatedly stopped talking to my husband over stupid things, like him not texting to check in on her or stopping by for a visit. Sometimes she’ll go months without speaking to him.

Two years ago, I had an operation that led to major complications. I ended up on life support, developed heart failure and spent more than six months in the hospital. Since then, I’ve been hospitalized four more times. During one of those stays, my husband called his mother because he was overwhelmed and stressed about my condition. Her advice? That he’d be better off if he left me.

Now my husband hasn’t spoken to her in six months. I’m sure they’ll talk again at some point soon, but I have no desire to have a relationship with her after all this. What is your advice? — No Love Lost

Dear No Love Lost: I don’t blame you for not wanting a relationship with this woman. What she said was cold and cruel, and her pattern of pettiness and silent treatment toward her own son isn’t OK either. Given everything you’ve been through, your health has to come first. Protecting yourself from added stress isn’t selfish — it’s necessary.

Your husband clearly loves you, and it sounds like he’s reaching his breaking point with his mother on his own. If he chooses to rekindle that relationship someday, that’s his decision. But you don’t have to follow his lead. Some people are just too toxic to allow space for at all. As painful as that is to accept, you owe it to yourself to preserve your peace of mind.

Dear Annie: I have been part of the same group of friends for more than 30 years. About a decade ago, when I got married, I asked one of them, someone I considered like a sister, to be my maid of honor. She and I had always been close. She was there when my daughter was born, we grew up side by side, and I thought of her as one of my very best friends.

After my daughter was born, our lives went in different directions. She was single at the time and living a very different kind of life, so we drifted apart a little, but I never doubted our bond. When she eventually got married, the wedding was held at my parents’ home, and since her mother had passed away, my own mom stepped in to help with the planning. I was happy to support her in every way I could.

But when it came to her bridal party, I was left out. She chose another one of our mutual friends, someone she had known for less time, as her maid of honor. I had known beforehand that I would not be standing up as maid of honor, and I accepted that, but I still expected to be part of the wedding party in some way. After all, she had spent years referring to me as her “sister.”

It has been nearly 10 years, and the hurt has never fully gone away. We still vacation together, celebrate birthdays and spend holidays as families. Our parents have been friends for more than 60 years. But deep down, I feel rejected and less important to her than I once believed.

I did tell her how I felt, and she apologized for hurting me. I know it was her wedding and her choice. Still, the sting has remained, and I admit it changed the way I see our friendship.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? Are my feelings of rejection valid, or should I be able to let this go by now? I would still do anything for her, but I cannot help but feel that something shifted between us the day she left me out. — Still Hurting

Dear Still Hurting: Your feelings are valid. When someone you love and consider family leaves you out of such an important moment, it is natural to feel hurt and rejected. But 10 years is a long time to carry this pain. Friendships shift, and sometimes people make choices that sting without fully realizing the impact. She apologized, and that shows she cares. If you want the friendship to thrive, try to focus on the bond you still share rather than the part that disappointed you. Letting go may not erase the memory, but it will give you peace.

Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.