ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: I have a job I love, but I’m at risk of losing it because I’m lazy and I procrastinate. My job is mostly autonomous, which makes it a little too easy to put things off and not work hard — but now it’s catching up to me.

Do you have any advice on how I can become a harder, more proactive worker before it’s too late? — Lazy in California

Dear Lazy: It’s a good sign that you recognize these patterns and want to make a change. That’s the first step toward real progress.

Remind yourself what’s at stake: a job you love, one that offers flexibility and independence — something not every job does. Start structuring your day with clear, small goals, and break your work into pieces with deadlines for yourself.

It’s also worth considering whether you need more to sink your teeth into. It sounds like you may have adjusted so well to your current workload that it’s no longer challenging. Taking on something more could help you stay motivated, work harder and make you feel good about yourself.

Remember, discipline isn’t about feeling motivated or being productive all the time; it’s about noticing when you’ve veered off course and choosing to get back on track. You already have the awareness and the desire to improve. You’re capable, but you have to act now.

Dear Annie: I have been married for 25 years and always thought I had the perfect marriage. Everything was fine until my husband turned 50. After that, everything changed.

He became grumpy and miserable. When I asked if everything was OK, he got angry. I planned a surprise trip, thinking he was stressed from work and needed a break, but during the entire trip he was very angry, as if I had taken him away from something important. He made it so difficult, and I tried to get close to him, but he didn’t want to be near me. When we returned home, he insisted on sleeping in a separate room, saying only that he couldn’t sleep in the room we had shared our entire marriage anymore.

He also always complains about money, but I don’t understand why because we both work and have more money than we need.

Recently, I needed to print some documents and, while searching for them on the computer, I found disturbing things in his search history, particularly related to the video games he plays. It was horrible. When I confronted him, he said it was just a fantasy he was having.

Now I want to get away from all this and file for divorce. My children think I should wait and give him time to change back to his old self. But my heart is telling me to run.

What do you think I should do? How long should a person wait to be loved? — Worn Down Wife

Dear Worn Down: In a perfect world, you wouldn’t have to wait at all. But the reality is, your husband is clearly going through something significant.

Constant anger, financial anxiety, emotional and physical distance and hiding his dark fantasies are all serious red flags. You noticed these changes around the time he turned 50, which makes me wonder if something physical or mental could be at play. A visit with his doctor would be a smart first step to rule that out.

If you haven’t already, I’d strongly recommend couples counseling before making any final decisions. Maybe he just needs a safe, neutral space to open up about all he’s been hiding.

Marriage can survive a lot, even what you’re facing, but only if both people are emotionally invested and working toward the same goal. What exactly is going on with your husband isn’t clear, but what is clear is that you are carrying the burdens of this marriage alone — and you don’t deserve to.

Dear Annie: I’m really struggling with how to handle my daughter’s relationship. She’s in her early 20s and is smart, funny and ambitious. I’m so proud of her. But I just can’t seem to get behind her boyfriend.

He’s not unkind, but he’s … aimless. He can’t seem to hold down a steady job, he leans on her emotionally (and sometimes financially), and he doesn’t seem to have any clear goals for the future. Meanwhile, she’s working hard, finishing school and making plans — and I’m worried he’s dragging her down more than lifting her up.

I’ve tried bringing it up gently, but she gets defensive and insists I don’t understand him. I’ve backed off because I don’t want to damage our relationship, but I see how exhausted and stressed she’s become since being with him. She’s not quite herself these days, and that worries me more than anything.

I don’t want to overstep or seem like the overbearing mom, but I also don’t want to watch her give her heart — and her energy — to someone who might not be able to give much back. Is it OK to be honest with her? Or should I just stay quiet and hope she figures it out on her own? — Trying to Stay Supportive

Dear Trying to Stay Supportive: It is hard to watch someone you love make choices you would not. But remember, this is her relationship to navigate. You have expressed your concerns gently, and that is enough for now.

What she needs most is to know you will be there, without judgment, if and when she sees things differently. Sometimes the best support is quiet presence, not persuasion.

Trust her to learn. Trust yourself to love her through it.

Dear Annie: Every Thanksgiving, my brother hosts the holiday meal — at my house. He does most of the cooking, which I appreciate, but every year we end up in the same strange tug-of-war over the thermostat.

As soon as he starts bustling around the kitchen, he turns the heat down and switches on the ceiling fan. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there shivering in my own home, layered in a sweater and blanket while guests try to pretend they’re not freezing. He says he gets too hot while cooking and needs the air circulating, but it’s getting to the point where I dread bringing it up, because he brushes me off or laughs it off like I’m being dramatic.

I don’t want to start a fight or make him feel unwelcome, especially since he’s doing so much work, but I’m tired of freezing in my own home on a day that’s supposed to feel warm and cozy. How can I set a boundary without turning Thanksgiving into a cold war? — Chilled and Frustrated

Dear Chilled and Frustrated: It is generous of you to open your home and kind of your brother to cook, but hospitality should go both ways. If you are uncomfortable in your own house, it is perfectly reasonable to say so. Let him know ahead of time that while you appreciate his effort, the thermostat needs to stay at a level that keeps everyone, including you, comfortable. Suggest he dress in lighter clothing or take a few breaks to cool off.

Thanksgiving should bring warmth in spirit, not goosebumps from the cold.