ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: I’ve been dating a wonderful man for five years, and for the most part, our relationship is strong and loving. We don’t live together, so we typically see each other just a couple of times a week, with more time together when we go on vacation. That time feels precious to me. But lately, I’ve found myself increasingly frustrated, and I’m not sure how to bring it up without sounding jealous or petty.

The issue is his 30-year-old son, who calls or texts him constantly, even when we’re on vacation. It’s not about emergencies — just frequent check-ins or casual conversations that end up interrupting our time together. I understand and respect the bond between a father and son, but I can’t help feeling like a third wheel when we’re supposed to be enjoying quality time as a couple.

I don’t want to compete for attention, and I certainly don’t want to damage their relationship. I just wish my partner could create some boundaries during our time together so we can stay focused on each other.

How can I bring this up in a way that’s honest but kind, and without sounding like I’m being unreasonable? — Feeling Overlooked

Dear Feeling Overlooked: You are not being unreasonable. You are simply asking for quality time in a relationship where time together is limited. That is not jealousy. That is emotional honesty.

It is clear your partner has a close bond with his son, and that is something to appreciate. A father who stays connected to his adult child is often someone with a strong sense of loyalty and care. The issue here is not the son reaching out. It is the lack of boundaries around when and how your partner responds, especially during your shared time.

Healthy boundaries do not weaken relationships. They strengthen them. They help everyone feel respected and valued. Right now, your needs are being unintentionally sidelined. It is perfectly fair to say, “I really value our time together, and it would mean a lot if we could unplug a bit during holidays so we can truly connect.”

This does not mean shutting his son out. It means carving out space for your relationship to thrive. If your partner understands and loves you, he will want to find that balance, too.

Dear Annie: I’ve been struggling with my relationship with my older sister for some time now. Unfortunately, I have little time to pursue counseling, and finding an available, competent therapist in my area is difficult.

My older sister hosts the annual holiday dinners, which I used to enjoy and even help out with. But over the last few years, her husband has invited more and more of his relatives — he has something of a savior complex — and the gatherings have become unnecessarily crowded with unpalatable acoustics. I don’t really like his relatives. Long story short, I have no place to go for the holidays. I’m single with few friends and no other family of my own.

This change has caused a little friction between me and my sister. Even though I can make the decision not to attend, it leaves me without family for the holidays. I can’t help but feel some resentment and sadness over this. I have spoken to my sister about it, and it’s clear she wants me to be there, but my BIL’s relatives have come to expect the annual invite, which is hard to retract. I’m so tired of going through the amalgamation of emotions every year.

There’s also a second issue. My sister, like her husband, also seems to be hypersensitive to other people. She insists I always be cheerful and accommodating, regardless of how I feel. For example, I recently avoided an old family acquaintance at the grocery store because I didn’t want to field more nonstop inquiries about my mother, who’s now in a nursing home. I feel these repetitive questions are rude, and I’ve come to dread them. But if my sister were to find out, she’d be very unsympathetic toward me. She doesn’t care about my point of view. The only thing that matters is, in her mind, that I do the “right” thing and talk to this or that person (in the utmost cheerful manner).

She is forceful to the point of bullying me, leaving me angry and in tears sometimes. She allows herself her varied irritations in life but refuses to extend that latitude toward me. She is both rude and hypocritical. Over the years, I’ve thought of moving because our broken relationship is yet another problem for me in the area in which I live. If I can’t get a handle on this, I may very well move.

If you could offer me some constructive feedback, I would truly appreciate it. — Tired of the Tension

Dear Tired: It sounds like you’ve tried to find common ground with your sister, but your feelings continue to be belittled and dismissed. When that happens over and over, the priority shifts from seeking to be understood to protecting your peace. You can’t control your sister’s behavior, but you can choose how much you want to engage — with her and your BIL, at the holidays and beyond.

If these gatherings leave you feeling drained, it’s OK to step back. Think about what would make these occasions meaningful for you, and give yourself permission to break the mold.

As for your second issue, you don’t owe anyone family updates or cheerful conversation, especially if it comes at your own expense. Creating boundaries and sticking to them is in fact the “right” thing to do — for you.

Before making a big move, try exploring more of your area and ways to build your support system. Online therapy, community events and local groups can help ease some of the loneliness you’re feeling. If you choose to move eventually, you’ll know it wasn’t a reaction to family drama but a thoughtful choice you made for yourself.

Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.