Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I grew up never allowed to have pets. I’ve been married almost 30 years to a man who allowed me to have a small inside dog, and he doesn’t mind her so much but hates the two we have outside. Both are rescues, one from his oldest son that had him tied to a tree, the other from a rescue group. Both weigh under 7 pounds. He hates them and looks for any excuse to get mad about them. One is a thief but doesn’t chew up her finds. The other digs tiny holes that a pecan can fit in, but not very many, two or three at any given time.

The issue is that, if our granddaughter brings a pet for us to take care of, it can do no wrong because we love our granddaughter, no matter how stinky or destructive the animal. This hurts my heart and makes me feel like he puts up with them because he loves her. What about me? — Protective of Pets

Dear Protective: It sounds like there’s a significant imbalance in how your husband views your pets compared to those of your granddaughter, which understandably feels personal since your animals mean so much to you. It’s important to address not just the specifics of this pet situation but also your feelings of being underloved in your relationship.

Sit down with your husband to tell him how much it means to you to care for your animals and how it hurts to feel like this interest of yours is not reciprocated. Encourage him to engage more with the pets with the hope that it might make him feel more connected to them, just as he feels connected to your granddaughter’s pets, and see what boundaries there are to set to make him feel more comfortable having the dogs in your shared space. May this raw, candid conversation be a step toward understanding each other better and strengthening your marriage.

Dear Annie: My husband of 35 years has taken to letting himself go. We are both in our 60s and have, in the past, enjoyed hiking, walking around our neighborhood and getting some exercise. He is a recovered alcoholic and has a powerful taste for sweets, eating them often and usually clandestinely. He has gained a fair amount of weight and has had some recent problems with his knees and one hip.

I have suggested exercise and a sensible diet, but he does not seem to find it an important suggestion. We have good insurance, although he does not see a doctor or dentist. He hobbles when he walks now. I exercise regularly and am a vegetarian. My weight has been the same for our entire life together.

Should I let him be? I am tired of telling him how I feel regarding this issue and know I will soon be a widow. I am at a loss. — Impending Widow

Dear Impending Widow: Your concerns are both valid and pressing, especially given your husband’s previous battles with alcoholism and now his declining physical condition. Since direct suggestions haven’t been effective, consider consulting a third party. Perhaps getting your husband to agree to a health checkup under the guise of routine care will lead to natural conversations about his diet and exercise with a professional. As summer approaches, try to engage him in activities you both like that can also serve as light exercise, like those gentle walks you two used to enjoy together or recreational swimming.

Make sure to express your concerns not just from a health standpoint but from a relational one. Let him know how much you value your time together and your future, emphasizing that his health directly affects the quality and longevity of your shared life. At the end of the day, it’s simple: You love him and don’t want to lose him. This might make the situation more relatable and urgent, inspiring him to make changes.

Dear Annie: I’m sad to say that my mother has been lonely for far too long. Her relationship with my father was unsatisfying, and they separated years before his untimely death 18 years ago. Since then, she has neither dated nor maintained any close friendships. My brother lives nearby and sees her a few times a month with his toddler son.

I have tried to help her move closer to my family for years, but she always has her reasons not to. My kids and I video chat with her at least weekly but that can’t be her whole life. She recently moved into an assisted living facility in her home state after being discharged from a rehab center for a hip injury.

Well, today she mentioned to me that while she was in rehab, she started a romantic relationship with one of her nurses, who is 42 years old and married. She is so excited about her connection with this young man, who is roughly the age of my brother and my husband. I don’t want to spoil any happiness that comes into her life, but I have a bad feeling about this.

Ethically, I don’t agree with her complicity in this man’s cheating on his wife, with whom he has young children. I told her this, and she seemed to think it wasn’t a problem because, although they are not separated, they “only parent together” and when he sees her on his days off, he “would not be spending time with his wife anyway.”

Worse, I’m really worried that he is trying to scam her, although I’m not exactly sure what for, since she has no money except for the long-term care insurance that is going to her housing. When it runs out, my family will pay for her, so I’m not concerned about getting anything from her will or anything; I just don’t want to see her manipulated.

I’m just generally very suspicious of this young man trying to date my ailing 77-year-old mother.

She seemed to come around to the idea that she might be hurting this man’s family, but I think she’s too swept off her feet to do anything about it.

Aside from telling her our misgivings, is there anything my brother and I can do to keep her from falling into a trap? — Baffled daughter

Dear Baffled Daughter: This is a tough one because you are grateful that your mother is happy, but you know that her “love” for this man will not end well. Talk to the people in charge of the rehab facility, explain the situation, and your mother’s new Romeo will be sent packing. Hopefully, this will be the wake-up call she needs.

EDITOR’S NOTE: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.