Annie Lane

Dear Annie: My roommate, who is also my ex-boyfriend, was involved in a car accident a few months ago. His car was totaled in the process, but he is OK and was not seriously injured. He had to quit his job but has recently found a new one that pays a lot better than his last.

My car has become the primary car of use for him to get to work. I am working nights, and I have to rush home so that he can get to work on time. He is also making plans to work overtime on Saturdays without really talking to me about it as it pertains to transportation.

I am technically living under his roof, and there are always unexpected visitors here on the weekend. Saturday is my escape day to myself. I feel like I don’t really have a leg to stand on in terms of saying anything to him about this selfish behavior; he has threatened to kick me out before.

I was looking for a second job for a while before his accident so that I’d be able to move out on my own. I am also really not comfortable with him driving my car at all because this is the second car he has totaled since we’ve known each other. My car is leased AND it is a Kia, so I am in constant fear of it being either stolen or crashed while he has it.

I want to voice my opinion and suggest alternatives, but I feel uncomfortable doing so. — Car-Cruncher’s Ex-Girlfriend

Dear Car-Cruncher’s Ex: You’re right to feel uneasy about this auto arrangement. Sharing a car with your ex-boyfriend, given his reckless driving record, is a recipe for disaster. Your varied schedules alone make it difficult, but should he get into yet another accident, you face liability and an insurance battle at the hands of another driver.

Now’s the time to hit the brakes. Pick a date that’s best for you and let your ex know that starting then, your car will no longer be available to him for regular transportation. Whether it’s finding his next car, biking to work, using public transit or borrowing a car from someone else he knows, there are ample options for him to get around that don’t involve your wheels.

As you mentioned, though, be prepared for him to rethink your current living arrangement, either out of spite or simply circumstance, now that you two are no longer in a relationship. Keep your ear to the ground on alternate places to live. I’m confident it would be a good fresh start for you both.

Dear Annie: I am a widow with a grown son and daughter. We have always been a close-knit family. However, for the last year, I have only had one visit of two hours from my daughter. The previous year, I saw her a few times. She has grown children and is a grandmother of three. She is divorced due to infidelity on the part of her husband. I have always been there for her and have helped her financially.

I have talked with her about her absence, and she said that I have not done anything to cause any problems between us. My son is the only child who lives in the same town as me. He has been of tremendous help.

I have been depressed about not spending time with her and my grandchildren. I have not seen her children in three years. They work; two are married and have children. I have an almost 2-year-old great-grandchild who I have never seen. At Christmas, I did not hear from any of her four children. Not a card or a call. I have always remembered them at birthdays and Christmas. Her two married daughters are both expecting babies.

In the past, I would visit them. However, I am no longer driving. I recently had hip replacement surgery and have to use a walker. As a result, I am pretty much homebound. I have someone to get my groceries and who takes me to the doctor and beauty shop and who comes to clean.

At first, I was concerned, and then I was angry. I am not angry now; I am sad. I never would have thought she would act this way.

She is seeing someone, and I think she spends a great deal of time with him. They go to church together, to the movies, on bike rides, etc.

He did come with her last year to visit for about two hours with me.

Do you have any suggestions? — A Mother

Dear A Mother: I applaud your psychological awareness of how your anger turned into sadness. Sometimes, when we are too angry at a family member for not meeting certain expectations that we place on them, it can serve as a larger wedge between the two of you. But to admit that your feelings are hurt and that you are sad is huge. Tell your daughter how you feel. Maybe you could visit her and your grandchildren and great-grandchildren more as your hip heals.

Sit back and try to focus on the positives in your life. Your son sounds very kind and attentive, and you have a GREAT-grandchild. Now just make the effort to go visit.

EDITOR’S NOTE: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.