Annie Lane, syndicated columnist

Dear Annie: I have been friends with “Jasmine” for over 50 years. Jasmine has trouble dealing with loss, often grieving for decades. Last year, she lost her dog. She sits and cries every night. I understand that loss is harder for some than others, but Jasmine is so angry. She has cut off contact with long-time friends for saying things like, “You all outlive your pets,” and, “At least you still have your family.”

Jasmine says the dog was her daughter and she should not have to get over the loss. All Jasmine wants to talk about is how alone she is and how angry she is about what people have said to her about the loss. I have tried to be supportive and pointed out the positive things people have said, but she twists that into more negativity. She has cut off contact with friends who suggested she move on. She has even caused a problem in her brother’s marriage because of her anger. She refuses to get help, saying she just needs her dog back. What can I do? — Unsure

Dear Unsure: If she’s refusing help and isolating herself from her community, there’s not much you can do. She clearly needs to change her mindset, but she needs to want to make that change.

Moving on doesn’t mean we forget about our loved ones — even if it feels that way sometimes. Communicate that to Jasmine, and tell her to take the time she needs to process her loss. Let her know that you will be there once she is ready to rejoin her community, and then take a step back. You can have compassion for Jasmine while still setting some boundaries to protect your mental health.

EDITOR’S NOTE: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.