Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I recently read your column in which you gave advice on how to deal with a toxic relationship between a mother and adult daughter. I have a similar issue with my 26-year-old daughter who lives with me after my recent divorce. Long story short, my daughter and I have had a tumultuous relationship since she was about 12. Every time she likes a guy or gets attention from a guy, she’s really nasty to me, like she doesn’t need me or something.

I had her when I was 16, so we practically grew up together. I feel like I was a decent parent and did the best I could. Seven years ago, she was in a toxic relationship with a man, and they broke up after a three-year relationship. She has not gotten over this, and it was a huge problem for at least two years after the breakup because she was still back and forth with him (and I think still is).

Recently, I got divorced from her stepfather. I was seeing someone who I had a major blowout with and then made up and became friends with. My daughter despises this guy and states I can’t even have a friendship with him. She says he’s not allowed here and, in one instance, came home and told him to leave as soon as she saw him.

She really put me down afterward. She told me that he was ruining our relationship. I have been open and honest with her that our relationship has always had its ups and downs. I told her that I can be friends with whoever I want. I asked her to go to therapy with me, but she adamantly refused. I have lost hope. Please help! — Feeling Hopeless

Dear Feeling Hopeless: Perhaps what you and your daughter need is some time and space from one another. At 26 years old, your daughter is an adult and hopefully past the point of needing to live under your roof. You certainly don’t need her dictating who you can and can’t spend time with or putting you down for the choices you make.

Encourage your daughter to look for a place of her own. Strengthening a relationship like this takes time and plenty of patience, but with the added distance, both of your hearts may grow fonder of each other. And just because your daughter has refused to go into therapy with you doesn’t mean you can’t go on your own. Take the time to heal and work through your personal journey; you owe it to yourself.

Dear Annie: After two long years, my sister and her family have rented a beach house for us to take a weeklong trip together in August. We are all in our late 50s, and her children are in their late 20s. Our children and grandchildren won’t be going on the trip.

During COVID, I stopped shaving my arms, legs, the whole bit. My husband and I are quite comfortable with it. Should I shave for the week or be prepared for the looks and questions? — Happy To Be Hairy

Dear Happy To Be Hairy: Don’t feel pressured to conform to hairlessness again if that’s not what floats your boat. You’ll be surrounded by family in a safe, loving space where I doubt anyone minds what you look like — or what you shave. If you feel truly comfortable and confident in your skin, hair and all, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

Dear Annie: In the waiting room of a clinic, I had to endure a long one-sided conversation by a woman on her cellphone. I can understand getting a call and quietly telling the caller that they will call them back, but people don’t seem to do that.

There were at least 10 people in the waiting room, and we all had to listen to this loud, opinionated person. I was trying to read but gave it up. This went on for at least 10 minutes before I was called into the exam room.

What can I say to people who disrespect others to such an extent? What I wanted to do was go up and rip the phone out of her hand. — Unbelieving in Oregon

Dear Unbelieving: Most waiting rooms have signs asking people to speak quietly or to keep their cellphone use to a minimum. I’m sure the people behind the desk who work at your clinic were very annoyed by this and that it was not the first time it has happened. Suggest that they put up a sign.

Is it rude and annoying? Yes, absolutely. But sadly, the world is full of inconsiderate people, and the best way to live among them is to live happily. As much as possible, try to ignore it — with earbuds or by going into a Zen-like meditative state, where you are able to block out all outside noise.

Dear Annie: My ex-husband and I have four children and eight grandchildren. We have been together for 40 years, but we have been divorced for 12 years. We have never been apart from each other until recently. He started ghosting me and not answering my texts or calls. We have not lived together for a while but have always stayed connected.

I found him with another woman, and he said they were together. She is letting him drive her new truck, and she has some money with which they go to the casino almost every night.

I’m heartbroken by the way he dumped me for someone else and just couldn’t tell me. He said he still wanted to talk to me because we have kids and grandkids together. I told him to delete my number and wished him a happy life. This has been going on for six weeks. Will it get easier? The other woman is going through a divorce. — Heartbroken by My Ex

Dear Heartbroken: It has been 12 years since your divorce, and I’m not really sure why you still are expecting your ex-husband not to find love. He deserves love as much as you do. It is very immature of you to tell him to delete you and have a happy life. The way it will get easier is to really come to terms with your divorce. You have to grieve the marriage and the life that you thought you would have. And move into your own new happy life.

Once you really start to accept the facts, the easier it will be for you to move on. I know it must sting and be difficult, and I am sorry that you are having to deal with this, but when one door closes, another opens. The relationship you had with your ex-husband being more friendly is now over, and your best chance for happiness is to find a new relationship.

Editor’s note: Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.