Dear Abby: My best friend (since we were babies) and I are having a disagreement. She had two kids when she was 16 and 17 who are now in their early 20s. One of them still lives rent-free under her roof.

My friend struggled her whole life but got a college degree, bought a house five years ago and owns two cars all on her own. She has recently started having friends over on the weekends and drinking. While I don’t do that, I understand she had kids early and wants to have a little fun now in her 40s. She’s very responsible and pays her bills.

The other day I walked in and her daughter started screaming at me that I need to tell her mom to stop and saying that she was moving out. I was shocked that she spoke to me that way.

My friend started crying because she loves her daughter and doesn’t want her to move. I say, let her go. She needs to learn to respect her elders, and she’ll soon realize living on her own isn’t easy. My friend didn’t agree and hasn’t said anything to her daughter about how she spoke to both of us. I want to help my friend because she comes to me for advice, but I don’t know how. — DISAPPROVING FRIEND

DEAR FRIEND: People often say things in the heat of anger. You walked in on a fight between your friend and her daughter. You have no idea what started it, and you shouldn’t have inserted yourself. When you tried to “help,” your input was rejected.

You have already said enough. Now, resist the impulse to stir the pot and step back so your friend can handle this herself.

DEAR ABBY: I come from a family with incest and physical and psychological abuse. I need to talk with my little sister about it. How do I get through it without breaking down before I can help her? My little brother died by suicide six months ago. I have been having nightmares over it. How do I go about getting through to her about it all? — BAD HISTORY IN IDAHO

DEAR BAD HISTORY: Before attempting to do that, it’s important that you talk with a licensed therapist about what happened to you in that unhealthy environment. Once that is done, ask if you can bring your little sister to some sessions.

It is tragic that your brother was so damaged by the abuse he received that he could not go on, and I respect you for wanting to prevent something similar from happening to your sister. Groups such as the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) offer counseling referrals after a family member takes his own life. You may be able to find a qualified referral there.

DEAR ABBY: I usually send special occasion flowers to my wife at work. I was wondering if it could make some co-workers who do not receive flowers from their partner or husband feel neglected, and worse, cause friction between them and my wife. If you feel this could be a potential problem, I can have the flowers delivered to our home. — EXCLUDED IN FLORIDA

DEAR EXCLUDED: If receiving flowers at her job has caused any tension in the past, you probably would have heard about it. However, you should ask your wife what she would prefer because she may enjoy the public gesture of husbandly love.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 20-plus years. His mother has never liked me. I have never done anything to her or her husband.

My father-in-law passed away two years back, and my mother-in-law is older. If something happens to her, how am I supposed to react? I know I have to be there for my husband. My husband and I get along wonderfully, but at the same time, I would feel like a hypocrite if I went to her funeral. We haven’t spoken in over a year.

Other family members have repeated things she has said about me as well as my family. I put up with her behavior for years. I only quit talking to her or going around her a year ago. — HATES HYPOCRISY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HATES: Funerals are for the living. Do not succumb to the temptation to use your mother-in-law’s as a platform to demonstrate your dislike of her. Attend the funeral and comfort your husband, who likely will be hurting and need your support. And when you do, ABOVE ALL, refrain from humming, “Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)