Dear Abby: Upcoming move prompts best friend to reveal true feelings
DEAR ABBY: I have been in love with my best friend for two years. We met at a summer camp where we were both working, and we hated each other in the beginning. During the process of working together, we somehow became best friends, and I fell desperately in love with him.
We talk on the phone for hours and text each other daily. He knows everything about me to the point that I swear he knows me better than I know myself. We hang out in groups mostly. We rarely spend time alone. When we are together, our chemistry is undeniable. We constantly laugh, touch, tease, etc. Everyone around us sees our connection, and they’re confused when we say we’re not dating.
I kind of expressed my feelings to him about a year ago, but he said he wasn’t ready to date anyone. Since then, we have grown closer, and our relationship is more unclear. His actions lead me to believe that he feels the way I do and regards me as more than a friend, but he won’t make a move or tell me his feelings.
The hard part about this is, I’m moving in five months. Our time together is coming to an end, but I haven’t told him how I feel because I don’t want his affection or our frequent communication to stop. Do I tell him my feelings again and risk being rejected? Or should I just tell him I am moving and see if he admits his true feelings for me? — DEEP IN THE HEARTBREAK OF TEXAS
DEAR DEEP: Obviously, this person cares for you to some degree. Tell him how you feel face-to-face while you still can. That you care so much for him is a compliment. However, if he still doesn’t feel as strongly for you as you hope, once you move, I hope you will regard it as an opportunity to meet new people and form new relationships until you find a special someone who reciprocates your feelings. Trust me, he IS out there.
DEAR ABBY: I have read so many letters in your column about families who have all sorts of problems with their children, husband or wife, in-laws, parents and other family members. They make me wonder how in the world I got so lucky.
My husband and I raised four children — two girls, two boys — and they could not be more of a blessing. We text each other every morning, and I text a daughter in Hawaii at night to let her know I’m OK. They call, they send cards, they send flowers. One son sent them to me for several years on HIS birthday, with a card saying, “Thank you for having me.”
My heart aches for parents who don’t have what I have. I can only hope they will find some peace later. And to my four children: Thank you for the happiness you have brought me over the years. — GEORGIA MOM
DEAR GEORGIA MOM: Problems are the basis of my column. There are many functional, happy families, but few of them take the time to write and share that.
Clearly, you are a great parent, and for that you deserve congratulations. However, there is an element of luck in parenting, and I have heard from parents who devoted themselves to giving all they could to their children, and their children did not turn out to be as loving, generous and appreciative as yours. I agree that your family is fortunate to recognize their blessings, chief among them each other.
DEAR ABBY: About 40 years ago, I did someone an injustice, and I have felt guilty ever since. I worked for a consulting firm in Washington, D.C., that fired an accounting clerk who was in my small office. I didn’t know why she was fired, and I never heard a cross word exchanged between her and her supervisor. She seemed to be capable and friendly.
A prospective employer called me for a reference, and because my company told me that it did not respond to requests for references, I didn’t give her one. Ever since, I have wished I had shared what I knew about her. If I was allowed a do-over, I would have told the employer about my positive experience with her and my belief that she was capable and friendly. Her being Black and not having my reference may have increased her difficulty in finding a job. I am sharing this with your readers so they may avoid making a similar mistake. — GUILT-RIDDEN IN TEXAS
DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: Some companies, on the advice of their legal counsel, strictly adhere to a policy of disclosing only dates of hire and discharge of employees. This has nothing to do with race or ethnicity. It was not a mistake to do as your employers instructed, and you should not feel guilty for having done so.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.