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What would mom want?

Annie Lane

Dear Annie: People often write to you about their abusive parents. I have a different problem: I was mean to, belligerent toward and critical of my mother. It started long before I was a teenager, but it definitely got worse during those years. I thought I hated her.

Later, when she became desperately ill, I realized I my love for her. I prayed to God that she would live; I even bargained with God that if she survived I would become a nun, and I wasn’t Catholic! She did get well, and I reneged on my end of that deal.

My father was not successful, but she supported him in pursuing his profession. She put him on a pedestal. Because of her, I adored him.

I have a lot of guilt for not recognizing my mother’s role in the family. I have written about her strengths and think she loved me in spite of my behavior, but I don’t know how to let go of the guilt and regret. — Hateful Daughter

Dear Hateful Daughter: Your love is evident. If your mother is no longer here, you can cherish her memory by being kinder to her daughter. Redirect your regret into personal progress.

And seriously consider therapy, for helping finding the strength to forgive yourself. From what you say of your mother, it’s what she would want for you.

Editor’s note: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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