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Passionless partner

Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I am in a relationship with a 71-year-old woman. I am 72. We have a lot in common and our relationship has moved toward moving in together. We have been intimate, but when we are, there is no passion on her part. Even after extensive foreplay, she has no passion. She just lies there. She never touches me and is never the aggressor. I love this woman, and she says she loves me. But she certainly doesn’t know how to express it.

She is a sweet woman who is just going through a tough financial time. I am willing to help her, but I sometimes think her involvement with me is for the financial help only. I thought she loved me, but the red flags I am getting when I try to be intimate with her are making me think I am making a mistake.

She is a kind and considerate woman in other ways. Recently, I had a major health issue and she stayed and nursed me back to health for two months with sacrifices on her part. She says in time the passion will be there, but I am not sure that is true. — Thinking About Moving On

Dear Thinking: Instead of thinking about moving on, start thinking about what you really want in a relationship. If you want more passion and a mutually satisfying sex life, then she may not be the right partner for you. If you want a friend and caretaker, then maybe she is ideal.

Can the passion grow? Sure.

But the real question is how long you would want to wait. It could be that she cares for you greatly but is sexually inhibited. Or it could be that she sees you as someone to pay her bills. You’ll find out if you go to couples therapy, which I would recommend.

Editor’s note: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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