Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I have been married for nearly three years. I am not happy, and I am pretty sure my wife isn’t either. Our communication is terrible, especially on my end because I tend to shut down when I am upset.

Marriage has not been fun for me. My wife is very insecure and jealous, and she doesn’t want me to have any female friends. I really just want out without breaking her or her 8-year-old son’s heart. How can I break it to her that I want a divorce?

A year ago, I mentioned divorce to her, but I took it back because I felt sorry when I saw her crying. I just want to move on with my life. — Unhappy

Dear Unhappy: If you keep shutting down when you are upset rather than trying to have open communication with your wife, there is no hope for your marriage. Would it make sense to try family counseling so you could analyze your need for female friends and your wife’s jealousy issues? I would suggest that you try, if only to relieve your feelings of guilt.

However, if counseling does not work, then by setting yourself free, you will be setting her free. She doesn’t deserve to be married to a man who doesn’t want to be married to her. It may hurt her temporarily, but in the end, when she and her son find someone who really loves her and communicates with her, she will be much better off and glad you ended it. You can’t fit a square peg into a round hole, and right now, it sounds like you two don’t fit. But give family counseling a try before calling it quits. You may find the love and happiness that you both felt when you were married.

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