It’s easy to be humble
I’m sure making it simple to find fodder to write for this column.
That’s because I find it so much easier to make fun of myself than to try and crow when I’m doing well making these picks.
After that 15-1 record in Week 2 (and 26-5 record through the first two weeks), I tanked — immediately — then got WORSE from there, with records of 8-8, 7-9 and 5-9 since.
Something about hitting the broad side of a barn if I was standing inside of it. I’m sure I could mess that up too.
So it would seem “Plan 9 from Outer Space,” named after what I’ve read is the worst movie of all time, would seem to be in order.
That’s where I pick all the winners, circling them in pencil, then go over the half of them I feel the best about with a felt-tip marker.
All the rest, I switch to the other team.
Since I had to tailor it to the movie name, I didn’t have eight other plans, except to pick every game in pencil and switch ALL of them. That seems extreme if I originally picked Kansas City to beat Cleveland — even I wouldn’t do that.
So I sat down with this week’s picks. Aargh! They all seem so obvious.
And with my shattered confidence I have no idea which games are ripe for upsets. So watch me ride out one more week of normal picking, then watch what happens!
Onto the picks:
Today, 8:30 p.m.
Philadelphia at Carolina — Though Carolina’s win over Detroit has caused me to lose faith in the Detroit Lions, I think Cam Newton has also shown he’s out of his own personal preseason since he didn’t start playing till Week 1 of the regular season. Panthers, 31-23.
Sunday, 1 p.m.
Miami at Atlanta — Even if the Dolphins could hold Atlanta to 20 points, where would they find the offense to put up 21? Falcons, 34-13.
Chicago at Baltimore — Put this game in Chicago and I’d consider looking at the upset. But with no weapons surrounding Mitch Trubisky, it’s the Ravens, 28-15.
Cleveland at Houston — OK, same philosophy as if the Browns were playing in KC. Texans, 23-13.
Green Bay at Minnesota — Until QB Sam Bradford is fully recovered, I don’t like the Vikings against hardly anybody. Packers, 29-24.
Detroit at New Orleans — The Lions’ victories have come against various chapters of the Sisters of the Poor. That’s where N’Orlins “D” was until three weeks ago. Saints, 30-20.
New England at New York Jets — I think New England coach Bill Belichick will stay in coaching an extra decade just because of all the fun he has toying with the other teams in the AFC East. Patriots, 33-17.
San Francisco at Washington — I tried picking the winless 49ers on the road last week when they played the hapless Colts. They still couldn’t get it right. No soup for you! Redskins, 24-19.
Sunday, 4 p.m.
Tampa Bay at Arizona — Until Arizona gets its third win, I’ll mention this just about every week — the Cardinals’ two wins are over San Fran and Indy, BOTH in overtime. ‘Nuff said. Buccaneers, 29-22.
Los Angeles Rams at Jacksonville — The two latest sexy picks, that is until the Rams showed off the four-foot-long rug burn they got from the Seahawks. Jaguars, 23-17.
Pittsburgh at Kansas City — Steelers in disarray, KC in perfect array. Chiefs, 34-23.
Los Angeles Chargers at Oakland — Take the hungrier appetite. Raiders, 27-23.
Sunday, 8:30 p.m.
New York Giants at Denver — I suppose anything’s possible, but if the now receiver-less Giants couldn’t beat the Chargers at home, how can they expect to do anything but gasp at altitude? Broncos, 40-16.
Monday, 8:30 p.m.
Indianapolis at Tennessee — The betting line says “off” for this game I think because of the Titans’ QB situation, but this still feels like an upset pick, considering who I’m taking. Colts, 19-16.
Last week — 5-9, 36 percent. Season — 46-31, 60 percent.
Steve Brownlee can be reached at 906-228-2500, ext. 252. His email address is firstname.lastname@example.org.