Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Yoopers, trolls and Cheeseheads - Welcome to Favre Watch 2011.
Didn't think it was coming back, did you?
I didn't either, to be honest, after the drama and bell ringing that engulfed Favre's life last year.
Then the Old Gunslinger opened his mouth about being bored in an interview this summer, telling reporters he had no clue what he was going to do now that he was actually retired this time.
Seriously, he means it this time.
Favre talked about going into the media, or not going into the media. Then he talked about following around the Southern Mississippi baseball team all summer.
Basically, he said he had no clue what the heck he was going to do with the rest of his life at only 41 years old.
That's when I knew we were in trouble. That was Code Green - the prelude to a full-blown Favre Watch.
Code Gold came shortly after when he was seen again throwing the ball around with high school kids.
Code Purple struck on cue during the past week with the first rumors of "Favre is coming back."
This year, with a little help from Michael Vick, the talk began of Favre becoming the next backup quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles.
Of course Favre has no comment during the early stages of Favre Watch, and if he did, it would just be a bunch of "gee, golly, gosh, shucks" in a Southern drawl.
During Code Purple, it's agent Bus Cook's turn to deny Favre's return.
"He's retired, period," Cook said for at least the fourth year in a row.
We've all heard that quote enough already.
In fact, this whole thing seems familiar, doesn't it?
The next step of Favre Watch - we'll call it Code Jet - is when some random family member decides to run his or her mouth about how Favre can still play at the highest level despite having his skull bounced off the frozen concrete of TCF Bank Stadium last year in Minneapolis.
This relative could be his wife, brother or any number of in-laws or cousins who are mooching off his fortune.
Cook will follow shortly after by again assuring the public his client is retired, but he'd be willing to listen to any team that is interested in Favre's services.
That signals Code Helmet Horn.
At this time Favre will finally speak and talk about how he feels he can still play. He'll commend whatever team it is that is interested in him and talk up said team's chances at winning.
However, after a few weeks of attention and the realization that any commitment to playing prior to September means training camp and the preseason, Favre will announce that he is staying retired.
That's just Favre playing hard to get. There's nothing he loves more than being chased.
And that brings us to Code 4, when chaos and lack of reasoning takes over.
Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy refused to play Favre's game, but everyone else has, most notably us in the media, especially in Wisconsin.
The Jets catered to all of Favre's demands in assuring him it was a good trade back in 2008 - my first Favre Watch working for the newspaper in Manitowoc. There were many late nights, waiting for a story to be filed from our friends in Green Bay either on Favre's lunch or future home.
In 2009, we witnessed then-head coach Brad Childress pick up Favre at the airport to join the Vikings. That year we sent poor Tom Pelissero out to Minneapolis to cover Favre. The following year, Pelissero wound up leaving Green Bay permanently to join Favre Watch 365 days a year.
By 2010, the Vikings were sending players and private jets to Mississippi to woo the Gunslinger. Back in Wisconsin, our new sports reporter, Josh, was getting caught up in the chaos of his first Favre Watch and feeling the wrath of our copy editors - who were fed up with all the late nights, waiting for the latest on No. 4.
Favre Watch 2011 is still in the early stages and who knows what Code 4 will bring this time around. Chances are it could linger into October. Who knows where it will go.
I anticipate my Favre Watches - that's right, I said "Watches" - at The Mining Journal to be a little less intense than they were when I lived and worked 41 miles from ground zero.
Still, I plan to not only fill my need for Favre drama, but go above and beyond my ability to make sure none of you miss out on the guilty pleasures of Favre Watch either.
The Brett Favre saga used to be a heroic tale, but now it better resembles the Jersey Shore.
It's awful, but we just can't stop tuning in every week, every season.
Favre has accomplished every thing he can and he doesn't need to play another down in the NFL.
The world also never needs to see another second of Snooki on TV, but I guarantee she like Favre is going nowhere.
You may have thought in some sort of fantasy world that Favre Watch 2011 would never come, but don't fool yourself.
You wanted it in the worst way all along.
Grab some popcorn and enjoy the show.
Matt Wellens can be reached at 906-228-2500, ext. 252. His email address is firstname.lastname@example.org