Should opposites attract?
Dear Annie: I am a soon-to-be divorced man who has suffered a great deal of pain after the collapse of my lengthy marriage.
After enduring the dissolution of multiple post-separation relationships, I found what in many ways is the perfect woman. As we have gotten to know each other, however, we have found huge ideological gulfs between us.
My significant other does not vote. She does not believe in vaccination. Her disapproval of the gay lifestyle extends to having animosity toward gay individuals. She believes they flaunt a deviance that they have chosen. She believes in conspiracy theories, putting stock in the theory that the Pentagon was damaged by a missile in 2001, that there was no plane that flew into it. Her positions rankle me.
Do you believe that a relationship between individuals who are opposites in many respects can survive and thrive? — Night and Day
Dear Night: There are the sorts of pairs that are complementary “opposites,” who together find balance and more meaning through each other, e.g., yin and yang, night and day, peanut butter and jelly. But your pairing sounds more like Pop Rocks and soda — explosive and causing much bellyaching.
My question for you is: Why the rush into dating? I suggest you put that on hold until your divorce is finalized. Once you’ve turned the last page in that painful chapter of your life, you can attempt to start fresh. You are used to being in a relationship and may compulsively be seeking a woman to fill that role. Don’t be in such a rush to partner up that you settle for someone and find yourself wanting to excuse away major issues.
Editor’s note: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.