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Tired of playing hostess during the holidays

Annie Lane

Dear Annie: My spouse has a large family, but his mom, aunt and I are the only family members who have hosted holiday meals for the past 30 years. His sister, brother and cousin used to say their houses were too small. Well, his brother’s family just did a huge remodel on their home, and his sister moved to a larger house — and they still don’t offer to host. I think it’s because they are cheap. These folks could squeeze change from a penny. I once heard them say that the reason they could afford to go on vacation was they had saved money by getting my kids’ hand-me-downs. I now have a job five days a week and am too exhausted to go into full-on hostess mode this year. His aunt and mom are getting too old for hosting such large events. How do I get the siblings to step up? — Fed Up in Philly

Dear Fed Up: You might start by asking. Every family is a creature of habit, and I’ll bet these relatives don’t even think twice about your playing host each year. That’s just what they’re used to. In fact, they probably think you enjoy doing it. (Which is almost funny, given how very wrong they are.) The same goes for the comment about the hand-me-down clothes. Maybe they weren’t bragging about being able to afford those vacations thanks to your charity. Maybe they were just expressing gratitude.

Regardless, I agree that it’s way past time for them to step up. Now is a natural time to raise the subject, as you can cite all the factors you mentioned. And if they still manage to weasel their way out of the job? Write me again, and we’ll set those freeloaders straight.

Dear Annie: I just read the letter from the woman wanting advice on her smelly husband. I, too, dealt with this for many years. It didn’t matter how I approached my husband; he simply would not shower but once or twice a week. He would never change his clothes or his underwear and would then get furious with me for not wanting any kind of intimacy with him. He sat on his own couch. I changed the bedding almost every day.

I did everything, even to the point of putting clean clothes out for him. He would ignore them. I would try to make shower time “fun time.” He still wouldn’t budge. His excuse was always, “I don’t need a shower. I don’t smell.” My mother even commented on his smell once, and it was completely embarrassing knowing that anywhere we went, everyone could smell him.

And you are right; he dealt with depression and utter laziness. There were many other factors that ultimately led to our divorce, but this was a very prominent reason. I couldn’t help him, and he wouldn’t get help for himself.

When I left, I let him keep our mattress, all of the bedding and his couch. I couldn’t stand the thought of any of that filth in my new apartment. The point I am making here is that she really needs to try to get him help. There are serious underlying issues to her husband, and I hope he can turn it around. — Hygienic Ex-Wife

Editor’s note: Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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