Jokes from the Doc

Jim Surrell, MD

I was recently informed that it has been quite some time since I reviewed some of my silly third grade jokes in my “Talk With the Doc” Mining Journal column. So, let’s have some fun today and see if I can get a chuckle, or at least a good smile from you with the following fish jokes, chicken jokes, and cow jokes. Please recall my rule about my jokes. Here is the rule: there will be no loud groaning allowed.

Fish Jokes

What is the most patriotic fish? Uncle Salmon.

Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you can get rid of him for a whole weekend.

Why don’t fish like to play basketball? Because they’re afraid of the net.

Where do fish sleep? In their water bed.

Why have you never seen a fish with a cold? Because every day they take Vitamin “Sea.”

What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys? He got lockjaw!

What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Just drop him a line!

Where do fish sleep? In their water bed. Where do fish keep their money? In the River Bank.

Chicken Jokes

Why does a chicken coup have only 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors, it would have to be called a chicken sedan.

Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off.

Why wouldn’t they let the rooster go into the church? Because he was using “fowl” language.

Why did the rooster join the band? Because he already had the drumsticks.

Why did the chicken cross the road twice? Because he was a double-crosser.

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. 

Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the raccoon that it could be done.

Why did the rooster run away from the farmer? Because he was a chicken!

Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow that just had her calf? Decaffeinated. 

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

What do you get from a cow with a bad memory? Milk of Amnesia.

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer. 

How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away his credit card.

What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk? A “Milk Dud” and an “Udder Failure.”

Yes, it is true that “Laughter is Good Medicine.” Here are just some of the beneficial side-effects of laughter. Laughter has been shown to offer physiological, psychological, social, spiritual, and overall quality-of-life benefits. There really are no negative effects of laughter and it should go without saying that laughter is really good for all of us. In this regard, I hope you all had a few laughs from some of the above jokes.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Dr. Jim Surrell is the author of “The ABC’s For Success In All We Do” and the “SOS (Stop Only Sugar) Diet” books. He has his practice at the Digestive Health Clinic at U.P. Health System-Marquette. Requests for health topics for this column are encouraged. Contact Dr. Surrell by email at